The Art of Play, Part 1: Building Relationships

So when I have had an intense, fulfilling play session, my first thought (after taking care of the sub’s needs) is to think about what had just happened.  What thing clicked that made this play session so special?

For me, it is an easy question to answer: it was the relationship I built with the sub during our play session.  Even when i have engaged in casual play, there have been times when we established a deep between Dom and sub.  And this connection is no less intense than ones I have had with people I already knew and ones with whom I was having a relationship.  It is, however, easier to make that kind of connection with those whom I know well.  So what is that essence that makes that connection possible.

In a word: trust.

In any type of play, there needs to be a certain level of trust. This is especially true for the sub.  The Dom will do their own thing.  But the Dom has to have the trust of the sub, or there can be no trust and, in turn, no intensity.   And the Dom must not only work to earn that trust; they must also work to maintain it.  Lose it, and you will be hard-pressed to win it back.

Like all people, I have won and lost trust many times over a lifetime.  It is a part of the learning process.  But in those times I have lost someone’s trust, I have learned what it is that needs work in me.  And when I have lost trust in someone else, I know what qualities I need to look for before allowing myself to put my trust in someone else.  It is a very, very long journey.  But it is ultimately an extremely worthwhile one.  Like the artist honing their skills, those of us who love to play need to look into ourselves and others to find what it is we need for our art to flourish.

Now I have been around for over 50 years, and I have been in the lifestyle for forty percent of that time.  I have been in many relationships, played with many different people, and tried many different things.  But in all those relationships, in all those the times I have played with someone, and in all those times I have tried something different, the one thing that made them special was the connection I had with the other person.  And that connection’s cornerstone was always–always, always, always–the trust that was built between myself and my partner.  Indeed, I think of every person I play with as my partner, and I try to treat them with the consideration, care and respect that a partner deserves.

And when I finally find that partner who will be with me for the rest of my life–the one who with trust me and whom I will trust until the end of days–I know that the art we will build together will be magnificent.

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