Wednesday 30 December 2009

I'm Back!!!

After 2 long weeks without internet, I’m back.  I tried posting by cell phone (gee, what fun!! lol), but that was a pain so sorry everyone that the blog has not had much new added.  Things have been fairly mellow and uneventful around here lately.  Relations have been improving between Steve & I after a long estrangement.  Heidi and I are doing well also.  *grin* I need a good ass kicking soon…

[Via http://cuckqueanslavery.wordpress.com]

Friday 25 December 2009

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM BOUNDNSEXY

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO EVERYONE. 2009 IN RETROSPECT HAS BEEN AN INTERESTING YEAR FOR EVERYONE, HRE AT BOUNDNSEXY

WE ARE PROUD OF THE FILMS WE HAVE DONE THIS YEAR WHICH HAVE TAKEN BONDAGE AND DAMSELS IN DISTRESS REALM INTO A NEW DIMENSION WITH

9 MUSES, THE PRIZE, DOCS, CINDERELLA IN BONDAGE LAND, PI 3:14, AND NOW WE LEAVE YOU ALL WITH NAUGHTY OR BOUND OUR LAST FILM RELEASE FOR 2009, AS WE WE WILL SEE EVERYONE IN 2010.

HAPPY NEW YEAR AND MAY EVERYONE HAVE HEALTH SUCCESS AND PROSPERITY IN 2010.

BNS TEAM

[Via http://bnsproductions.wordpress.com]

Wednesday 23 December 2009

musings on mentorship

Someone sent me the following question not long ago, and I asked for and received permission to post the question and my answer here…

***

Hi Andrea, can i pick your brain? In the context of the queer leather community, what do you see as the role of a mentor? Is it primarily seen as someone who just offers guidance and advice and shares experiences, as in a vanilla context? Or is it considered more than that, i.e. someone in training whom a mentor would play with, and perhaps even have a sexual relationship with? i’m sure there’s layers to this question that could be discussed over several beers, but generally speaking, would you mind giving me your perspective?

***

This question pops up on discussion lists periodically, and the usual point of conflict that arises is over the question of having a sexual relationship between mentor and mentee or protégé. The very fact that conflict comes up over the question is a clear indication that no universal agreement exists on that point, so I’m not going to pretend to have The Answer. But a perspective, yes.

My own mentorship experiences have been relatively one-way. I’ve been privileged enough to have the friendship and benefit from the occasional advice of a few very well-respected kinksters far more experienced than I, whose opinions I value and solicit, and for that I am very grateful. But I’ve never entered into a relationship characterized by regular exchanges of that nature, and my path in leather has been one I’ve forged for myself based on a wide array of sources of learning and experience – books, workshops, D/s relationships, my own fuck-ups, plain old observation and much more. On the other hand, I am actively engaged in one relationship that began as a somewhat advice / listening-oriented friendship and that was soon thereafter explicit coded as a mentorship (and still operates that way in many aspects), and several other relationships in my world have aspects of mentorship in them.

Right there, that’s a first piece of how I understand mentorship. It’s sometimes explicit and negotiated and the only thing going on, and at other times it’s one element of a larger relationship. Which might in part explain why the sex question gets complicated. In my experience, and from what I’ve seen, mentorship is often one element of a larger relationship, and fairly rarely an explicitly negotiated dynamic that exists without operating in tandem with some other type of connection. I don’t think that either form is “better” than the other, but I do think they come with particular challenges. For the sake of clarity, I’ll refer to the first as “pure” mentorship and the second as “combined” mentorship.

But first: the role of a mentor. I do think that a mentor, classically speaking, is someone who offers guidance and advice and who shares experiences, much like in a vanilla context. This might involve really direct teaching, but I think what differentiates teaching from mentorship is that mentorship implies an ongoing relationship in which the mentor is understood to be available for advice and guidance beyond the simple teaching of skills; skill teaching might not even be part of the deal at all.

The SOY (Supporting Our Youth) mentoring program for LGBTTQ youth in Toronto defines mentors as “‘big brothers and sisters’ who can help you explore questions about identity, sexuality and community. Mentors provide support, encouragement and a non-judgemental listening ear to talk about anything and everything going on in your life… family, school, friends relationships, etc.” I think the idea of a “big brother or sister,” as in, someone older or more experienced, who provide support, encouragement and non-judgmental listening is a pretty simple and accurate way to conceptualize mentorship in leather too.

1) “Pure” mentorship

When a mentorship is operating on a one-note model, or something fairly similar (for example, mentorship combined with casual friendship) it can be discussed in terms of goals and commitments. What does the protégé want out of the deal? What does the mentor have to offer? What does the mentor want to get out of the deal? What does the protégé have to offer? What parameters feel good to both of them? How will they know whether it’s working, and what mechanisms will they employ to ensure that it stays on track and that things get fixed if they go awry? Why do they think they’re a good match, and how will they know if that changes?

(The question of match is crucial – which is why I’m not totally convinced that any outside matching process is going to work reliably, although I’ve heard of leather communities where such processes exist. Like a therapist or a partner or any other kind of intimate relationship, shared interests alone are not enough to create the kind of bond in which the truly intimate work can happen. That’s about chemistry, which is hard to predict with any certainty, and about shared values, which are hard to determine if the person doing the matching doesn’t know one or both parties very well. I think assigned or matched mentorship works best when it’s done for a specific purpose and for a limited time, such as a three-month period of probation-type mentorship for new members of a leather club.)

I think that, generally speaking, the power dynamics in this kind of relationship are most cleanly managed if the mentor and protégé do not have a sexual or play relationship. I’m not laying down a hard and fast rule here; we do, after all, operate in a sexual community, and it’s really not much of a stretch to think that sexual attraction or BDSM chemistry might arise between people who are getting to know each other on potentially emotionally intimate terms. That shouldn’t in itself be cause for panic. But if both parties still agree that the relationship is purely a mentorship – and that is an “if” well worth discussing if other feelings come up – then they probably shouldn’t muddy the waters by engaging in activities that would bespeak a very different sort of relationship.

Why? Because sex and play are often powerful experiences of connection, and, like it or not, they create a really different sort of bond than one of advice-giving and disinterested listening – by which I do not mean “uninterested,” as in bored, but rather “disinterested,” as in the mentor is not directly personally invested in the outcome of a given situation. If the mentor and protégé form an attachment that creates direct personal investment in outcome on the mentor’s part, then the advice given is no longer impartial or general. It would be like asking for impartial career advice from someone who stands to personally benefit if you make a lot of money. They’ll have a harder time advising you to follow your dreams if those dreams might take you into a career as a starving artist – so they’re more likely to subtly or overtly push you toward that law degree.

In other words, if you’re in a power dynamic that’s coded as unequal, as in that the protégé does not yet know how best to proceed and is relying on the mentor’s advice and opinion to help them make decisions, the risks that the mentor might misuse their power (even in fairly mild ways) are much higher. I’m sure that sex and play within mentorship can be done well, but that would require a rigorously ethical mentor who’s extremely good at separating their personal interest from their advice, and/or a very self-aware and perceptive protégé with great self-protection skills and good boundaries, and/or a mentorship situation that’s restricted to very specific areas within which the protégé isn’t particularly vulnerable and/or that do not incite the mentor’s vested personal interest. Otherwise, the whole “non-judgmental” part of the “non-judgmental listening ear” is out the window.

I feel I should also mention here that many people assume mentorship is always provided by a dominant and protégés are always submissives. That’s a load of horseshit. First of all, that little paradigm takes no account of switches. Beyond that, some of the best mentorship situations are set up between dominants or between submissives, because who better to help you along your path than someone who’s doing a similar thing but who happens to have a few years’ experience on you? A dominant might well be able to mentor a submissive, or vice versa, but at some point they’ll end up saying “well, submissives tell me that…” or “as a dominant, I’ve never experienced this, but….” This may or may not be a problem. I’m just saying is that classic power pairings are not always the surest bet when it comes to effective mentorship.

2) “Combined” mentorship

When mentorship happens as part of a larger relationship context, it’s of course a bit more complicated. Like any other relationship, it’s a question of how power imbalance is managed. I’d break this down into two possibilities.

2 a) A mentorship situation can arise out of a love relationship, play relationship or friendship.

This tends to happen when two people get together for the purpose of pursuing some sort of relationship, and one of them is more experienced than the other in a given area relevant to leather, and they realize that a certain amount of mentoring is going on. In this case, it’s a really good idea to talk about what’s happening. Will the power imbalance of mentorship mess up the pre-existing relationship, or can the two co-exist in harmony? If it’ll mess things up, can the need for mentorship be met elsewhere so as not to create a weird resistance to the flow of things in the relationship? If they feel it can be harmonious, how will they manage that in the context of the existing relationship?

In the case of D/s and M/s relationships, especially though by no means exclusively those that operate on a parent/child sort of model (daddy/boy etc.), it’s my belief that mentorship is often intrinsically bound up in the power dynamic, and that’s part of the reason it works. In some contexts and communities, that sort of model is expressly understood to be a form of eroticized mentorship in which the boy (let’s say) will eventually become a daddy or master in their own right when their own daddy or master decides they’re all grown up and ready for the job. And in lots of M/s relationships, there’s an express and fully agreed-upon intent that the submissive or slave will be shaped into someone who reflects the dominant or master’s values, not just in the sense of learning how to please the master through service or submission, but also in the sense of growth in leather – human dynamics, ethics, approaches to the scene, community-building, spirituality, etc.

Both of these things, to me, smell a whole lot like mentorship, just operating in a different space. I don’t see how we benefit by pretending that’s not happening and defining “mentorship” so tightly that we can’t include relationship-born mentorship as part of the picture. Lots of the same questions arise and lots of the same techniques and approaches can be adopted. Of course, as much as in a “pure” mentorship situation, it behooves the people in question to discuss such things as motivations, parameters and approaches very clearly so that they all agree on what exactly is going on. It also helps if the people can cleanly point out where their “other” relationship might in fact impede the protégé’s growth, and figure out ways to work around that, or agree that it’s worth the sacrifice. For example, if a submissive/protégé figures out she’s actually a switch and really wants to explore her dominant side, but her dominant/mentor holds the exclusive rights to her behaviour in power contexts and is not willing or able to switch, the dominant/mentor will not be able to effectively encourage her growth in this area unless something about their agreement shifts – even if this same dominant/mentor might be quite capable of mentoring someone else in the same area if they weren’t involved.

Of course that’s not always how things happen in either parent/(adult) child or other D/s or M/s relationships. For example, a submissive (boy, slave, etc.) might be older or more experienced than a dominant; in such cases, mentoring might not happen at all, or it might actually operate in the reverse balance of the power dynamic. Or an M/s or D/s pairing might come up between people who are not in need of, or interested in offering, mentorship, especially if both are already very experienced; for them, it might be just about shaping the submissive for the purpose of suiting the dominant’s preferences but without any larger goal of growth in leather.

For me, I have done a lot of mentorship within the context of other types of relationship – within a past platonic D/s relationship (where mentorship still plays a part in the non-D/s equation today), and within my relationships with both of my bois. That has included a range of approaches – long conversations, encouraging them to play with and even have relationships with others to broaden their experience, directed reading assignments, workshops, lots of listening, think projects, my support and encouragement of their engagement in leather-related personal projects that aren’t related to our relationship, social events and grilling them about their observations of social dynamics after such events, and much more. It’s a really enriching process for all of us. But then again, I have a bit of a fetish for personal growth; not all dominants take quite the same degree of enjoyment out of such a process.

2 b) A mentorship situation can turn into a love relationship, play relationship or friendship.

This, too, can be done well. In my case, I’ve held pretty firm boundaries about not engaging in play or sex with protégés, but I certainly have developed at least one rich and wonderful friendship that started from a place of mentorship. I don’t think that’s a bad thing; as long as communication is clear and motivations are clean, I can’t imagine why this would be a negative development. As for mentorship turning into a love or play relationship – again, as long as everyone’s interests are laid out for discussion, I see no reason why this is a problem.

In my opinion, problems are way more likely to arise when people try to deny the existence of a new development rather than by its simple existence. Power is most dangerous when it’s kept under wraps, denied, ignored, because then it does what it wants to do, acting in its own best interests without the benefit of supervision. If you simply lay it all out, then real decisions can be made. An ethical mentor will tell their protégé if their feelings change, because that necessarily changes the parameters of the original agreement; an ethical protégé will do the same, because a mentor can hardly steward their power well if they aren’t aware of its reach and repercussions. Honesty is the best policy all round.

Of course there’s potential for misuse of power within any of these contexts. People can be unethical in any arrangement, and in our society we have paltry resources for learning about, understanding and managing power dynamics of any kind, let alone in alternative sexual communities where we’re still understood by the larger society to be crazy, dangerous or sick. So mentorship is no guarantee that things will go well. But in its ideal form, mentorship can be a wonderful resource for people who are new to the leather community or new to a particular type of experience therein, and a rewarding experience for older or more experienced kinksters who want to see the next generation set on a healthy and joyful path.

[Via http://sexgeek.wordpress.com]

Monday 21 December 2009

FanFic Recommendations...

I am a self professed slash addict, but lately i confess to having gone back to the dark side… het! So here are a few fic recs for both slash and het lovers out there.

What Might Have Been by KeiraMarcos(WIP.)

Rating: NC-17

AU verse in which Rodney never went to Atlantis and the expedition failed within the first two years and they returned to Earth with only half their original numbers.

This is a truly compelling series and if you are a McShep fan it can’t be missed.

Ties That Bind(WIP)… well, basically anything by KeiraMarcos really.

Rating: NC-17

This is a AU McShep verse that is BDSM centric. This series is based and then amazingly expanded on the Coming Home series by Xanthe. I am truly enthralled by this world and in my humble opinion is for me even more captivating than the Coming Home series.

Keira’s ability to weave stories is a true gift and she easily pulls you in and holds you ’til the very end and leaves you begging for more!

Quicksand by Ladydreamer and Herohunter(Completed.)

Rating: Mosty PG, but has a few smutty scenes that rate a NC-17

One cold November evening, twelve years after Lex Luthor left Smallville and Clark Kent behind, the two meet in Centennial Park… as Lex is walking home with his daughter. This is an mPreg fic.

I am a fan of Herohunter so it was a giddy feeling that swept over me when i ran across a rec for this fic. Let me just say i couldn’t walk away from it. I usually either love Clex fics or hate them (the love comes in when Lex is redeemable, but anyways…) and this story held me from the very beginning.

Of Love and Friendship by sarcastic_fina (WIP)

Rating: NC-17

This is a  Oliver/Chloe fic set in an AU world where Chloe grew up in Star City.

It is sweet and fluffy and bubblegumlicious(?) and so good.

[Via http://iamaslashaddict.wordpress.com]

Friday 11 December 2009

Vera Vision Sneak Peek--And the Sub Becomes a Dom...

Andrea liked being submissive. It was easy to do. Just follow someone’s orders and keep your mouth shut. Maybe she liked the controlling aspect of the relationship. Maybe she was inherently lazy and didn’t want to take the lead. Whatever it is, Andrea was very content to just only give her opinion and not have too much more expected from her than that.

So when her newest online crush asked her to spank him, Andrea almost fell off her chair.

Jason was a contractor by day. Picking up heavy machinery and building homes was his forte. It wasn’t something he wanted to do for the rest of his life but it was something he was good at for the time being. But it was his online persona that told a different story. He loved to be dominated. Pleasing a woman a woman and being her own personal slave made Jason completely happy. Ever since a former girlfriend turned him out, being a sub was all Jason ever wanted.

But for every fetish fantasy, there was always a catch to it. Jason didn’t want someone experienced to put him in his place; what was the fun in that? He wanted someone new and every inexperienced. Someone who could be taught to be a Dom and would relish in it.

Someone like Andrea.

[Via http://veraroberts.wordpress.com]

The Cuckold Experience #1

As you know if you follow our adventures, my wife is training me to be her cuckold. In the end I will be her Pierced, Permanently Chastised, She-Male Cuckold. Believe it or not I am really looking forward to the transformation.

Tonight the process continued. I had been forced to watch my wife used, abused, and dildo fucked by other women; but tonight was the first time we had had a man do the job. My wife found this really nice guy, he’s SocalBlkBull on Fetlife. I have to say I was a little apprehensive about it. I wanted more time to adjust. My wife was right as usual though. He came over for dinner and the experience. I was immediately at ease when he walked through the door. I must admit he’s a good looking man and very nice. We seemed to hit it off immediately. Joy was more prepared as she had been talking to him a lot the last week or so. They already had built up a little familiarity with each other. Still, for some reason she was more nervous than I.

I cooked a fairly nice dinner for us all and while I cooked and made drinks he took control of Joy. Before and after dinner he made Joy blow him, and have sex with him. Surprisingly I was not bothered by it. I thought I’d be very upset. I have always said, “Jealousy is NOT love.” Tonight I saw my wife happy and a little spacey (which she gets when she’s satisfied) . I discovered how much I really love my wife tonight. You can say the words, but it means nothing until you take the test. I felt happy for her, truly happy. This was unexpected.

I won’t get into details; I’ll let Joy post that. It was cool though, because this first time SocalBlkBull took it slowly and allowed me to finish cooking and watch in-between duties. He gave me a few commands that I just automatically followed. It was easy and a nice feeling He gave me a chance to adjust to him and his dominance at my own pace. I will have no trouble serving and watching him with Joy as things progress. Next time I’m to be in my rubber mummy while he ravishes my wife. I can’t wait. I’m a cuckold now. Yea!

Oh, and another GREAT thing. He loved my Midori Margaritas. YES! YES! YES!!!!!

[Via http://raunchytramps.wordpress.com]

Wednesday 9 December 2009

DOCS BONDAGE HORROR FILM REVIEW BY TALONSEYRIE AND LIMITED AUDIENCE

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Friday 4 December 2009

comics / communication / condolences

Tonight, I’ve got good news and bad news.

Okay, I’ll give you the good news first. Two pieces of it, actually.

First, a very fun article I got to write for the latest issue of Outlooks is just out now. I had the great pleasure of interviewing queer Canadian stand-up comics Elvira Kurt, Darcy Michael and Trevor Boris. I only wish they could’ve printed longer versions of our conversations! I swear, interviewing comedians is the bomb. It’s kinda like having your own private one-person show. Anyway, the results, woefully shortened though they may be, are here (scroll to page 52, “Funny Like That”).

Second, I’ll be giving a workshop entitled “Partner-to-Partner Communication” for Sweet & Spicy Aphrodite in Ottawa Friday night (tonight) at 7. It’s part of Pink Triangle Services’ week of events and programming for women of sexual and gender minorities. Come say hi! The direction of it will be very much participant-led, so come make of it what you need.

On a much sadder note, longtime Vancouver leatherdyke Catherine White Holman died last week in a plane crash in BC. I never met her, but her death has rocked the community out West and I was asked to help spread the word in case anyone didn’t yet know. (I checked in with friends who knew her and was assured that she was an out and proud leatherdyke who would have had no problem with this information being publicly posted as such.) As one of the entries on her condolence page reads, “Catherine was a fierce femme with a bold and beautiful spirit. We will so miss her bright light.” Read the Xtra West article if you’d like to learn more about the details of her life and her passing. My sincerest condolences to all those who knew her.

[Via http://sexgeek.wordpress.com]

Wednesday 2 December 2009

A Shit Pig's story

One of My toilet slaves, whom I will refer to as Shit Pig, composed the following narrative describing one of our encounters.  The following words are his, not Mine, but I thought My readers would appreciate his perspective as toilet slave.  He uses some, let’s say, “creative” punctuation and grammar, which can be a bit disorienting, but I find that this writing style conveys the mild disorientation and rolling intensity of the author’s experience submitting to Me.

*********

Naked before you.  You drag your crop over my face, making me look up at your beautiful face,……..slowly dribbling your spit onto my face.

LOL, …[Swishsss, crack  ],….Open Pig.

Mistress kneels close to my face,…grabbing my chin as she filling  my mouth and face with her precious spit.

So, you think your good enough to eat my shit for me.  [SLAP],…Spit Spit Spit

You are going to beg me for mercy shit pig,….MMM, I’m going to fill your mouth with my piss and shit,…you’re going to learn to worship and savor the taste of my waste for me,….I will teach you to thank me for it and tell me how good it tastes,….You will beg at my asshole, licking your lips and moaning  for the taste of my shit like a shit-eating pig……..I’m going to teach you to open wide beneath my asshole and eat with passion for me,,,,,,,,,you will tell me that my shit is the best thing in the world, You are my toilet.

[

Mistress pushes her panty covered ass in my face and makes me breath in the essence of her asshole.

Smell your fucking diner whore,...Hahaha, Sniff my asshole with passion pig,...Deeper, Hahah MOAN Shit Pig!,...

[whip, whip, whip],………Sniff and Moan with passion for my shit,…………..LOL, Harder Whore………Get that nose in my ass and sniff like a dog in heat…..[WHIP,whip],…Sniff and Moan for me mmmmmmm

Mistress sadistically pushing some out into her panties,..Hahahah, mmmm, breath it all in pig, keep your fucking noise in my ass,.mmmmm,..smell your next meal,…My Shit.

Mistress takes her shit covered panties off, holding them just above my nose.

Open

She kneels close to my face makes me smell and lick the shit from her panties.

Look at me and tell me how good my shit tastes.  MMM, yes pig you better like it.  SPIT, mmmm,  taste my shit,…Lick and moan shit pig,….Hahah, MMMM, Show me how much you want it ….[Whip]….More passion whore,,,,,it’s my fucking shit,…Suck it off pig,

Suck and Moan Shit Eating Pig,….[Whip, Whip],….Hahaha, yes look at me and show you you like it,….LOL,…that’s it shit whore

Spit,,,,,,,Suck it all down.

Mistress covers my open mouth with her shit covered panties and makes me suck her spit through them before shoving them deep in my mouth. She turns and puts her shitty ass over my face and makes me smell the shit on her asshole  She make me smell her shit, to moan passionately through her panties……

[Whip, Whip],……..Sniff and Moan,……..Show your Mistress how much you like her shit or I will mark  your ass until you cry for me………hahaha,  Yes, Pig………There is more for you….

[Via http://aisforanya.wordpress.com]

Monday 30 November 2009

Spotting a Bad Domme

star, starr, star wars, fetish, waffles, sexy, dork, cute, trying

Admit it... you want her!

A lot of people who become interested in BDSM want to try being a bottom first. I have no real proof of this, but I’ve heard it numerous times from friends and acquaintances. Very few people want to try domming first, completely understandable considering how much work and thought has to go into being a top. The planning, intellectual portion of domming can be much easier if you’ve bottomed. You know what works, what doesn’t, and you go into the experience with a basic idea of things you can do.

Ok, you want a dom. How do you find one? Well, depends on a few things. Do you want it to be someone you date, someone you just have sex with, or someone you explore BDSM with without having sex with them? Decide and go from there. If you don’t want to be sexual with the person, a pro dom may be your best bet. They have a strict code of conduct and any pro who didn’t follow the rules wouldn’t be in business long. But if you want someone to date or have sex with, that’s another story. I would ask you how you usually find you sexual partners or previous significant others, this would also be your best bet for finding those things with a dom.

If you’re an internet dater, there are sites that cater to daters of a kinky nature, there is also always craigslist. If you’re someone who does better in bars or likes picking up people in person, there are also kinky bars/get togethers where you could do that and find someone who shares your sexual proclivities. As long as you’re honest and up front with what you’d like to explore and what you are interested, use whatever method you’re comfortable with.

With that said, when looking for a dom, you’re looking for someone you’re going to allow into your life in a way you’d never allow most people. You need to pay attention had have some screenings in place to assure you have the safest experience possible. Here are some red flags to look out for, good signs to look for and things you have every right to demand.

1. Look for the acronym SSC. It stands for “Safe, Sane, Consensual,” the BDSM community’s motto. Someone using it means that they both subscribe to a very important sexual philosophy and are well versed in the BDSM community.

2. Look for someone who lets you set the limits. Subs set the terms. It is all about the subs boundaries and comfort. Don’t let anyone tell you any different, if they do, they’re not worth your time.

3. Have a non-play conversation before you agree to a scene. You need to have the limits talk, discuss how much sexuality will be involved and exchange personal information. You have every right to ask for their full name, and if you are meeting in person, demand it.

4. Speaking of meeting in person, it’s common sense, but meet in a public place first. Have a friend you know and trust know where you are going, give them your dom’s full name, the address of where you will be and any other information you have. Set up a safety phone call, if you don’t call by a certain time, they call you. If you don’t answer or you do and say a predetermined word indicating you’re uncomfortable, they will call the police.  If you do go back to a place to play, make sure it is your place, you’ll be more comfortable when you know your surroundings.

5. I recommend playing on the phone or online first. This allows you to see their domming personality. Pay attention. If they push you too hard, are evasive about sharing information but demand more and more from you, if they keep bringing up something you’ve stated has made you uncomfortable, don’t meet them.

6. Don’t ever, ever meet anyone who says anything about not needing to talk about limits or not needing a safe word. They don’t know what they are talking about, DO NOT PLAY WITH THEM!

7. Last, listen to your gut. Even if everything seems fine and they are being more than accommodating, if something feels off, don’t play with them. This is all about your needs and making you feel comfortable, you can find another dom, you can’t erase a bad experience. Better safe then sorry.

So go out and play, just be safe, put in a screening process, and find the right dom for you. Any dom worth your time will be more than understanding about your requirements, and will respect you more for having them.

written by: Cleofaye

[Via http://morethanjustknots.wordpress.com]

Wednesday 25 November 2009

Almost enough

As I mentioned yesterday, family, work and general stresses from the outside world had been hindering the kind of dynamic I so craved.

The first five months of our relationship were tumultuous, but full of raw excitement and passion. I have lots of stories from that time which I think I’ll save for now; plenty of little nuggets of erotic play. Sir had to leave for the summer to work a contract about 4 hours away. It was very hard. I missed him like mad, and I missed the discipline I’d grown so used to. Since then, there were periods of time when we would play hard and heavy, and our day-to-day relationship thrived. The lull happened when things in our lives made both of us feel as though we were powerless. He didn’t feel worthy of exerting control, and I didn’t feel safe enough in my own head to let him go there in that state.

However.

Lately, things have calmed down a little and I’m back in a place where I can trust him again. I am craving being retrained – having all of the naughty, bad little habits I’ve picked up over the months beaten out of me (both literally and figuratively). The hunger that I feel stirring up inside me is a powerful beast. I need to submit. I may need to submit 24/7 for a while. Something deep within me is missing and with Sir’s help, I can fill it up.

One of the lessons he taught me very early on, and something we discussed at length was that he was not the magical fix to any deep seeded need I may have. My submission, my training and my trust were in his hands, but were to improve my outlook on myself. He was the facilitator, not the answer.

So, after some discussion spanning the past few weeks, two nights ago, after a trying evening at work, I got a call from Sir telling me to be ready and waiting when he arrived home. My heart fluttered. I put the phone back on the cradle and promptly took off my clothes. On went my collar, my wrist and ankle cuffs, and a hint of makeup. I brushed my hair and quickly tidied up the place, finishing just in time to meet him, kneeling at the door. He smiled as he looked down at me. He first asked me to stand up so he could take a look. He called me “a vision”. After a thorough examination, I helped him take off his coat and boots, then knelt at his feet while he sat in his chair, deciding what to do with me next. He wanted to check his email and relax a little before dealing with me, so he told me to stand in the middle of the room, sticking my tits and ass out, accentuating the curve in my back. He told me to look straight ahead and to keep my arms straight out to my sides. I responded with a smile and a “Yes Sir!”

Now, call me out of practice, but my arms got tired fairly quickly. This amused him greatly. I knew he was testing me. He was testing how much I wanted to get back into the swing of serving and pleasing him. I could feel my stubbornness boiling beneath my skin. As uncomfortable as it was, it brought me great pleasure to demonstrate to Sir just how focused I was.

It was a night of retesting limits. Sir put the clover clamps on my nipples, then tied the chain of the clamps to the heel of my stiletto. He tied my wrists to my ankles so I was fully splayed and fully available and proceeded to fuck my cunt and my ass with his cock, a thick dildo and his fingers. In addition, I was allowed to take spankings from his hands, the flogger and a wooden spoon. Nothing was too much for me to handle. In fact, if I had felt slightly more outgoing, I would have asked for more. Asking for what I’d like is something I continue to work on – it doesn’t come naturally. In any case, I loved the beating. It takes a lot to mark me and I wished he would go full out so I could come away with badges. But I was happy with what he was giving me, and I took it all with pride.

After he had allowed me to have an orgasm, he let me kneel down in front of his and suck his cock. It was slick with my juices and I took as much of it as I could into my throat. To finish off our play, he had me ride him in a squatting position with my hands behind my head, thanking him for the use of his cock. When he came, he held me for a while. It was sweet. The hard play was over, but the rest of the night was service-oriented (which I also enjoy for the most part). I ran the water for his shower, I was waiting with a towel to dry him off, I made him tea and generally made myself available to be there to tend to his needs.

All in all it was a wonderful night and has pushed me even deeper into the mindset that I so want to maintain. I am craving more. We’ve decided to set up a time to lay out some objectives for the near future, and I cannot wait to see where that takes us. For now, however, I am eagerly awaiting Sir beckoning me. He is sitting in the chair next to me, playing with himself and will let me know when to kneel before him to be his cum receptacle. Then he is taking me out on a date night. I have been instructed to wear my collar and ankle cuffs, though I am allowed to wear an outfit that will conceal them. Just knowing that I’ll be in public wearing these very personal items is making my slut cunt drip with excitement!

<3 Ruby

[Via http://rubysjourney.wordpress.com]

these are a few of my favourite things

Snakes. Snakes are damn sexy. Smooth, muscular, not human, fully prehensile. Heat-seeking creatures with heavy cultural symbolism and taboo built into every scale. The way they scent you with their forked tongues, slither and wrap themselves around you in a slow, dry, deliberate caress. The way they rear up when surprised, ready to strike but watching, watching, waiting before action, because they can take action any time they want, in a split second. Mm.

Leather. Not the kind that’s the victim of misguided design (quilting and pleats, anyone?), or dripping with studs and fringe, or ill-fitting. Rather, the kind that smoothly encases the body like a literal second skin, that gleams darkly in light, that’s soft and hard all at once, that smells rich and slides against the body when you move. It doesn’t have to be black to be beautiful, but that sure does help.

Boots. Classic design and quality material, natch. Boots with a heavy enough sole that they add noticeable weight to your step, that cause you to walk with just a hint of a swagger, that plant firmly and hold the foot with care. Boots that are dirty, because they beg to be cleaned. Boots that are gleaming, because they beg to be licked. Boots that are new, because they hold untold promise. Boots that are old, because they exude history.

Conversation. The kind that starts smoothly and surprises you with a bit of a flirt, and that turns into a mutual weaving of ideas and lasts well past the time you thought it would end when you first introduced yourself. Conversation that renders you breathless, that makes you laugh but not giggle, that challenges and affirms all at once, that connects and excites and leaves you with more questions than answers, one being, when can we do this again?

Dance music. I know many will disagree with me on this one, but hear me out. Dance music that’s exquisitely constructed to compel the body to move. Rich, deep bass that cradles the pelvic floor muscles and pushes the hips into motion, but not so loud as to reverberate or drown out the tune. A treble line that fills your lungs and tickles your shoulders, beckoning you to follow as it takes you spiraling up and around, a melody that makes you a little bit sad in the midst of the sheer joy of motion. A DJ who knows how to work with these things – a bit of suspense every once in a while, but only long enough to make you really want it, none of those long empty pauses where the body has time to lose its momentum and the mind has time to refocus. I don’t want focus when I’m dancing. I want to lose myself in the bodily experience of the beat.

Burlesque. But it has to be done right. I want to be teased, titillated, surprised, denied. Start with a gorgeous costume. I appreciate the humour and camp of burlesque, don’t get me wrong, but what I really want is a sweetly curved feminine body in clothes that push the curves out, pinch the waist in, flatter and slink and drip and veil. Don’t take them off too fast and spoil the surprise. Make me wait for it. Show me a little bit, and then take it away again. I want you to take your body from the realm of cheap and glittery spectacle into the world of luxurious, decadent art. I’m not actually here to see your breasts or your butt. I’m here for the enjoyment of being made to want to see those things, so make me want them.

Books. More specifically, books about sex. Lots of them. The words on their covers, the ideas inside, the crisp feel of pages, the scent of ink and paper and musty old glue, the knowledge that if I am surrounded by books about sex it means I am not the only one in the course of history who has spent this much time thinking about sex and all its many meanings and permutations. Proof positive that sex has inspired deep thought, intense creativity, broad theorizing, endless debate. All of this documented and catalogued and explicated and questioned and created. Bliss.

Blood. But not just any blood. It has to be done right. You have to do it voluntarily – accidents are just messy, and often tainted with the wrong smell. I want a dark-red jewel welling up from a single tiny hole, or perhaps several, or maybe a razor-sharp line that stings and gives me more. Salty, thick, delicious. Powerful. A bit of fear mixed in to heighten the scent, flavoured all the more sweetly with the intensity of your totally irrational, but utterly compelling, desire to feed me.

Clothes. Your clothes. The ones that you chose because they made you feel dressed up, groomed, beautiful, confident. A nicely ironed shirt that nestles just under the freshly shaved line at the nape of your neck. A casually knotted tie that just happens to match your socks. Pants that break on your instep and hug your hips just so. The look on your face that’s cocky and proud and a bit shy all at once, knowing you look good but not sure I’ve noticed yet.

And you? What are a few of your favourite things?

 

[Via http://sexgeek.wordpress.com]

Monday 23 November 2009

Adam Lambert: The Male Madonna?

Adam Lambert’s AMA performance left nothing to be desired- there was fondling, crotch grabbing, falling and recovering, bird flipping, and face sucking- just for starters. At different points he walked a dancer on a leash, simulated a blowjob with another, and kissed yet another (all of these dancers were male). See for yourself 

(From Associated Press) “Before his performance, Lambert said that he wanted to break down a double standard that existed where female performers are often sexually provocative while men don’t do it that often.” Well you’re half right about that, Adam- they usually don’t get provocative with other men.  Read more

Predictably his performance has inspired “more than 1500″ complaints to ABC and drawn the attention of censors. Which, of course, can only help his career. Hurts so good indeed…

[Via http://sexinpower.com]

Rollercoaster of Love

I know I’m overdue to chime in on here.  As he has mentioned, there has been a shift in things around here.

When we first met, we had discussed the fact that both of us were switches.  As our relationship progressed, it seemed that he was more a Dominant with submissive tendencies while I was a submissive with Dominant (aka stubborn and bratty) tendencies.  So, we had settled into a traditional Mdom/fsub relationship.  But, of course, we can never do things traditionally in our household so, even though he was the Dominant, he stayed home with our kids and I was the breadwinner of the family.  I can admit now that there were many times where this situation did not sit well with me but I didn’t feel comfortable enough with taking on a Dominant role.  His sexual experiences way outnumber mine so I felt intimidated that I wouldn’t do as well as other lovers he had.

Prior to our move, things were not well – lots of stress, little to no sex – so, once we were finally done getting everything moved in, we were both frustrated.  When I get frustrated and stressed, I tend to withdraw, which made things even worse.  Once I did start to get my sex drive back, I kept leaning towards teasing and torturing him.  Eventually, this spawned a turn towards a Mommy/little boy relationship.  I’m not a harsh Mistress by any means, hence the Mommy role.  It was a pleasant experience for me because he is such a responsive slut and thoughtful little boy.  We even started looking at harnesses and new dildos for me to use on him.  I thought to myself that I finally had gotten the control in the relationship that I had wanted.

However, while this relationship was developing, conversation had sparked between myself and one of my friends on twitter.  We actually ended up doing a bit of roleplaying the first night we really talked.  The interesting twist to things was that we had done a Daddy/babygirl RP.  So, yes, I was engaging in one side online and the other in real life with him.  It caused a bit of strife in the first couple days but we talked through it and decided that this would be the best course for now….until today.

This post was actually going to take a different slant except a couple things I read today shed some light for me.  I have been lurking and following bad bad girl’s journey into a new D/s relationship and her post today struck a chord with me.  I have been reading a daybook on simple living and one of the entries I was catching up on talked about answered prayers.  Most people don’t think about the fact that, if your prayer is answered, you then have to take responsibility for what comes of it.  Also, most of the time, what you actually ask for is not what you are needing (i.e., asking for a soulmate when what you need is the self-confidence to be the person to attract your soulmate).  Through discussion, I realized that, when I wanted more control in the relationship, what I really needed was a greater sense of appreciation and validation from him.  I think the past couple weeks have been some sort of cosmic test/reminder/kick in the tail of where I fit in and what my role is.  So, we are back to our old arrangement of Daddy/babygirl.  But, all in all, I learned a valuable lesson – I finally see how a polyamorous arrangement would be beneficial for us.  I have a deep-seated need for affection and attention from my childhood (long story for another day) – so, while the relationship I have with him has been very good, it’s not quite enough for me.  I realize that statement sounds a little greedy and maybe I am.  We already have been in talks with a female friend, who we both agree would be a good addition to our relationship as we both would be involved intimately with her.  But now, our definition of our ideal poly relationship has expanded to include a male play partner for myself.  He has stated that he would allow me alone time with my partner but he would also want the option to be involved in our play at some point.

So, there will be more exploring and an adjustment period while we settle back into our roles but it should be an interesting ride.

This is where I chime in. I have to say first off I’m glad to have my babygirl back. I’ve missed her a great deal despite enjoying my role as of late. We both learned a great deal from this time reversed. I learned I really am a bit of a wanton whore. Go ahead, get the ‘duh, obvious’ out of the way. I’ll wait. *tick* *tock* *tick* *tock* Done now? Ok, as I was saying. Aside from a really spiked interest in anal play and being tormented/tortured at night in bed [and I hope both continue...damn did I sleep good those nights], I realized how often I openly sought validation for my actions from her. I plan to keep that in mind and offer it to her without her being quite as pressing [read annoying, I'm sure she does] as I was. I also feel I have a better handle on myself, to the point where a short bit of notice and some play to help me along should make it easy to briefly flip the switch as it were. That way when she does feel like being Mommy again, or beating me with the flogger and what not [yes, open invitation] to get out her aggression, there won’t be a tug of war for control. If I go much further I might as well start a post of my own, so I’ll end with this. I’m happy to have my girl back after my time with Mommy and I’m going to make sure she doesn’t forget that anytime soon.

[Via http://psycosispath.wordpress.com]

Friday 20 November 2009

Good News!

I’m happy to announce that Going Down at the Dock has found a home with Breathless Press! Here’s a little blurb to tease you. I’ll get an excerpt up on the website this weekend and keep you updated on when this sizzling story will be released.

Blurb

Businesswoman Jasmine Kendall needs one thing to escape her high pressured life: a powerful man who will bend her and make her submit. Meeting Master Darren Finnagen can give her everything she dreamed. He’s a man who will control her every move, push her to new heightened orgasms, and bring her total happiness. His latest plans for her include a jaunt down a shipping dock where she must make three strangers come, but when she’s done, will Darren be waiting for her or was this just a test?

 

Monday 16 November 2009

Slacking

I’ve been slacking with my blog lately, I know. I’ve been writing like crazy though, so that’s a good thing right? Writing means possible new releases in my future.
Speaking of new releases I FINALLY received my release date for Heat Waves – Dec 4th!! Still no cover yet.
I’m sooo excited. I’ll have two releases in December.

I’m happy to say I finished book three of the Lady Shea’s Manor series over the weekend and began writing book one. I’m confident I’ll get this one done by months end and I’ll work on book two in December, along with Laney’s Delights. I’m really excited about writing that story. I had to put it aside to work on other stuff. Oh crap and I forgot I have a Jan 1 deadline for a Valentine short. That’s half done so I’ll be working on that next month too.

I had a great idea for a St. Patrick’s Day story, but think I’ve missed the deadlines for that. There’s always next year. It’s almost time to start thinking summer stories. Hmmmm, I love the warm weather.

Weekend NaNo totals:
Saturday – 1782
Sunday – 2252

queer and the family

Sometime last year, I came across this little gem of a paragraph on the blog “Adventures in Deconstruction” by Mary Bryson, a queer theory professor at UBC. She’s referring here to a gathering of people at her home for Christmas:

[...] [P]lease don’t think ‘queer’ is about the sex/gender of who folks cozy up to. It’s just about affirming a principle of kinship that is other than blood ties. And of course, many people who I really wanted to celebrate with DID have family things happening that were good and wonderful, and so couldn’t be celebrating with us last night. So it was far from the whole queer family. But maybe that’s all there ever is anyway — that particular queer family, that night, in that place, and f*ck the idea that there is ever a “whole” anything. What I do know for sure is that there was a lot of love in our house last evening.

I hung onto that paragraph for quite some time after reading it. In fact, as part of a longstanding personal tradition, I inscribed it onto the front page of my agenda for this year. It’s a strange little habit I acquired many years ago – sometime within the last couple of weeks of any given calendar year, or the first few of a new one, I seem to come across one or two quotes that really strike me. Perhaps my mind is somehow open to new thoughts in a way it isn’t at other times, I don’t know. All I can say is that I take it on faith that whatever strikes me has some sort of importance, and so I write it down in my agenda so I can refer back to it throughout the year and figure out what it’s trying to tell me. Call it quirky, call it superstitious – I just find it to be an interesting exercise in thought.

So Bryson’s quote really grabbed me, and tonight I find myself turning it over in my mind. Why? Maybe because I’ve been thinking lots about one branch of my queer family – composed of the Spawn, the Spawnlet, the Moms, and my ex, T, who helped create the little ones, along with a number of other quirky characters – because we co-authored an essay for the anthology And Baby Makes More: Known Donors, Queer Parents, and Our Unexpected Families, which was just recently published. And while I recognize that blood ties are involved in the production of spawn, my own blood has naught to do with it, and yet they’re still family to me.

Maybe it’s because there’s been another death in the family – not my own blood family this time, but that of another member of my queer family, and I’ll be flying out to a funeral later this week because of it (straight from teaching workshops on fisting and non-monogamy in Montreal, no less – oh, what a weird life).

And that reminds me of how I felt when I turned around to leave the church after my grandfather’s funeral this spring, and was quite startled to see that two members of my leather family, D and R, had tracked down the location of the funeral proceedings and shown up, sitting quietly in the back of the church until they saw me leave and came to offer warm hugs. I was surrounded by people who are blood-related to me, but the sight of my leather family people struck me really strongly, in a way that made me realize how I knew exactly who my family was in that room, and my definition didn’t necessarily line up with that of many others present. I love many members of my blood family, but I didn’t choose them. The presence of leather family in that particular setting reminded me that the power of choice trumps just about everything for me, including blood.

(Just for the record, I consider certain members of my blood family to be chosen family as well. I realize this is an odd superimposition, but it’s an important one to me because that choice has been mutual, active and ongoing for years in a way that makes our relationships meaningful on a level that blood alone does not.)

D was musing on the phone with me, months later, about the nature of family. She told an anecdote about another leather family member whose father had made a statement to the effect that “you can always count on family” (by which he meant blood family), and she nearly laughed in his face. For some of us, our experience tells us – no matter how we might like it to be different – that you cannot count on blood family as a matter of course, that blood is often no better than a broken promise. And the very idea that his statement might be true in some sort of automatic fashion, evident to all and universally unquestionable, was downright funny, if in a morbid sort of way.

Of course, I understood right away, as D knew I would. D wondered out loud if perhaps our faith in queer family, in leather family, in chosen family, is as strong as it is precisely because our own experiences of blood family have not borne out the traditional promise of unfailing support and unconditional love, any more than our own lives have borne out the traditional expectation of heterosexual monogamous marriage and childbirth upon which the idea of “unconditional” so often rests. Perhaps it’s precisely because we’ve forged our family ties by choice and by dint of effort rather than by virtue of shared genes and assumed kinship. But perhaps there’s an element of pain in there too – perhaps, if our families had all been the places of safety and kindness we’d have liked them to be, we might have been able to buy in. Does that mean we’re all damaged and dysfunctional? No, or at least, no more so than anyone else. But it does mean we have lived experience that foregrounds a different understanding of family, and one that we’ve chosen to make beautiful in our own ways.

So when Bryson writes about “affirming a principle of kinship that is other than blood ties,” I get what she means. My kin are a wild mix of generous-hearted, ethically-minded and pervy-living leatherfolk; lovers, former lovers, never-were lovers who are nonetheless far more than the simple word “friend” could encompass; people who’ve held me through sorrow and whom I’ve supported through illness and strife; brothers and uncles and cousins with whom I share a certain family resemblance and a deep connection as well; younglets whom I’ve had the pleasure of helping to name, babysit, feed, read to, and (in the case of one not-so-young younglet) even take shopping for a first strap-on.

To think about it, I’m not actually sure they’ve ever all been in the same place at the same time. It’s a funny thought, that some of my family members haven’t ever met one another. But as Bryson also writes, “maybe that’s all there ever is anyway — that particular queer family, that night, in that place, and f*ck the idea that there is ever a ‘whole’ anything.” And like her, what I do know is that there’s a lot of love.

Friday 13 November 2009

NYC Top Comedy Choices for Friday 11/13/09

For full details, please visit HyReviews.com.

Brilliant writer/actress Amy Heidt brings one of the very finest & funniest shows at this year's FringeNYC to UCBT tonight via the revival of her one-woman show Dominate Yourself!

Tonight’s recommendations for the best in New York City comedy (in chronological order, with top picks noted and shows over $10 marked with $) include:

[MEGA-TOP PICK] 6:30 pm ($5): One of the very best productions at this August’s spectacular FringeNYC Festival, Amy Heidt’s one-woman show (for my review, please click here), debuts tonight at UCBT for a mere five bucks—and is paired with a new one-woman show from UCBT star Shannon O’Neill!—in the double-bill bargain of the evening: Amy Heidt: Dominate Yourself! and Shannon O’Neil: Prison Freaks—A Talent Show

[MEGA-TOP PICK] 8:00 pm ($10): Wearing wigs and waistcoats, extraordinarily quick-witted improvisors Neil Reynolds and Matt Tucker portray “two of America’s angriest founders: Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr” and the events leading up to their historic duel—while crafting deliciously silly scenes. For example, when the duo performed during the magical Del Close Improv Marathon in 2007, Burr proposed a law declaring US land as “international waters” so he’d have more freedom to sleep with married women. When Hamilton thwarted him, the villain seceded and declared his body his own country, “the United State of Burr.” These Boston-based improvisors are among the sharpest in the country, and it’s thrilling that they’re gracing NYC for this one night only with their unique themed improv. Expect something quite special at Code Duello: Hamilton &. Burr

[TOP PICK] [$] 8:00 pm & 10:30 pm ($31.25 & 2-drink min.) The former star of Comedy Central’s much-missed Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn headlining tonight through Sunday at Carolines: Colin Quinn

[TOP PICK] [$] 8:00 pm & 10:30 pm ($37 & 2-item min.): A star actor who’s performed in over 50 films and TV shows, and an exceptionally sharp stand-up, headlining tonight and Saturday at the elegant Comix Comedy Club: Larry Miller

[TOP PICK] 8:00 pm ($10): A new sketch show from highly talented husband & wife comedy team Tim Girrbach & Alicia Levy about “The journey of two unlikely hip-hop stars to the top of the charts told through the people who made them—managers, stylists, choreographers, optometrists. Written and preformed by Alicia & Tim, and directed and choreographed by Wendy Seyb: Paired Up and Pumpin’

[FREE] 8:00 pm: Superb stand-ups Baron Vaughn, Rob Cantrell, Aparna Nancherla, Neal Stastny, Seaton Smith, and Michael Lawrence performing at Brooklyn’s Coco 66 for Nick Turner’s Too Cool for School

9:00 pm (no cover, 1-item min.): NYC stand-up comics performing stand-up in Ochi’s Lounge at a gay-themed show hosted by the lovely Jenny Rubin: The Back Room
[TOP PICK] 9:30 pm ($10): Some of the finest improv in NYC from the comedy genius members of The Stepfathers

[TOP PICK] 9:30 pm ($10): A groundbreaking and surreal improv/sketch troupe focusing on our favorite city: Centralia: The New York Show

10:00 pm ($7): Singing improvisors who use an interview with an audience member to craft The Made-Up Musical

[TOP PICK] 11:00 pm ($5): Top UCBT talents—tonight featuring Jeff Hiller, Fran Gillespie, Nate Lang, Jim Santangeli, Mike Still, and Andree Vermeulen as the performers, and Neil Casey, John Frusciante, Dan Gregor, Dan Gurewitch, Anthony King, Craig Rowin, Eric Scott, Nate Smith, Caitlin Tegart, and Greg Tuculescu as the writers—creating a one-night-only sketch comedy show directed by Will Hines, and hosted by rising star stand-up Hannibal Burress (staff writer for Saturday Night Live; Comedy Central): Beneath Gristedes

[FREE] 12:20ish am: Your opportunity to perform on the UCBT stage with improv veterans, hosted by stellar troupe The Law Firm: Jammin’ with Ralph

[$] 12:30 am ($31.25 & 2-drink min.) A provocative comedy star who’s written for Richard Pryor, Red Foxx, and Saturday Night Live, and performed on Chappelle’s Show and David Letterman, headlining through Sunday at Carolines: Paul Mooney

For full details, please visit HyReviews.com.

Wednesday 11 November 2009

The Lies about the Ten Lies-part 3

We have Zxenu Cronstrom Beskow onboard as our guestblogger. He examines the radical feminist claims abut ‘lies’ told by BDSMers.

The first part
Second part

Part 3: “Sadomasochism versus Radical Feminist dogma”

If Farley had openly accused sadomasochists of not conforming to the dogmas of her particular brand of radical feminism, then she had been correct. But this is not what she is doing. Instead, she’s exploiting mainstream society’s contempt for BDSM in an attempt to establish her very special discourse as if it was a objective reality or consensus viewpoint. She’s establishing a world view where society itself is “sadomasochistic” and where her own brand of radicalism is the ONLY valid resistance against mainstream society. Lets take a look at the remaining four points.

2. Sadomasochism is love and trust, not domination and annihilation.

Good relationships, sadomasochistic and vanilla (conventional/mainstream) alike, are based on love and trust. Of course, there are also bad relationships. There are also sexual relations that are based on mutual lust rather then love. Such a relationship can still be mutual and non-abusive if it contains enough trust and respect.

Farley’s examples are not even examples, merely shallow propaganda. David Koresh was a destructive religious cult leader, not a sadomasochist. Of course HIS kind of dominance was bad – and so was his heterosexuality and masculinity. If he is being to be used as an example of sadomasochism being bad on a general level, then he can just as well be used as an example of heterosexuality being bad on a general level, or of men being bad on a general level. Then again, there are radical feminists who would agree with that kind of argument.

Farley also uses some sexual fantasies as examples. And indeed, these particular fantasies certainly do not seem loving. Then again, they are fantasies. The love and trust is not about the fantasies themselves, but about how they are handled. Also, there are a lot of sadomasochistic fantasies that are very much about love, and many heterosexual and homosexual fantasies that have nothing to do with love.

4. Sadomasochism is consensual; no one gets hurt if they don’t want to get hurt. No one has died from sadomasochistic “scenes.”

Regardless of her sexuality, a victim of abuse is a victim period, not a masochist. She may or may not ALSO be a masochist, but this is entirely beside the point. By the definitions that sadomasochists typically use, abuse (sadistic or otherwise) is not sadomasochistic. The word sadomasochism include the word masochism, and this word implies that the person on the receiving end is there as a masochist, not as a victim.

Thus, BDSM and sadomasochistic sex can never be abusive, but only in the same way as vanilla lovemaking can never be abusive: If it turns abusive, then it is no longer lovemaking.

Of course, there are many sexual relations – vanilla and BDSM alike – that have started out consensual, but later turned abusive. This is a real problem, but it doesn’t men that all sadists (in the BDSM sense of the word) are abusers, and it does not mean that all heterosexual men are abusers either.

Furthermore, there are people who have died from vanilla lovemaking, so of course there are also people who have died from consensual BDSM play. Heart attacks are a common cause in both cases, but when it comes to advanced forms of BDSM there is also the issue of people being inexperienced and lacking proper safety education. Just as with mainstream sexuality, porn is NOT a good teacher for how to do it in real life. Even in its advanced forms, BDSM can be LESS dangerous then vanilla sex – but only if people know what they are doing.

Deeper in her argument, Farley practically claims that it is impossible to consent to BDSM – that the masochist is a brainwashed victim who does not know what she really want or an addict unable to say no. While a convenient excuse to disqualify the experiences of women who don’t share Farley’s dogma, it is simply not true for masochists in general, regardless of gender. (Farley’s argument seem to assume that the submissive is always female and the dominant is always male.) Of course there are individual masochists and victims of manipulative sadists who fit this stereotype, just like there are destructive vanilla relationships that contain addiction or cultlike tendencies.

6. Sadomasochistic pornography has no relationship to the sadomasochistic society we live in. “If it feels good, go with it.” “We create our own sexuality.”

Mainstream society is most definitely not sadomasochistic in any definition of “sadomasochism” that EITHER the sadomasochists themselves OR the mainstream society would agree with. Farley is taking theoretical constructs of radical feminism for objective reality here.

10. Sadomasochism is political dissent. It is progressive and even “transgressive” in that it breaks the rules of the dominant sexual ideology.

Seen from a non-totalitarian perspective, this statement contains an obvious truth. Although sadomasochism, just like homosexuality, is becoming more and more accepted, it is still far from mainstream.

To deny this, one must reduce reality to two groups. On one side, the one and only true resistance (in this case radical feminists) and on the other side the evil conspiracy and all its minions, including all resistances that do not conform to the orthodoxy of the one and only true resistance.

Of course, this only covers the matter of dissent. Far from all dissent is constructive, progressive or transgressive in any good sense of any such word. If one can reasonably consider BDSM and sadomasochism to be good things depends on your point of view.

In BDSM, dominance and submission is optional and not based on gender. One can be dominant, submissive, both or neither, regardless of whether one is a man, woman, intersexual or a gender-undefined queer-person. Being a dominant doesn’t give you any right to dominate someone who doesn’t want to be dominated by you or in a way that he doesn’t want to be dominated. Being a submissive gives you a right to chose who to submit to, when, how and to what extent.

From a queer-feminist perspective, this is very liberating and a useful tool in the struggle for freedom and diversity. From most other feminist perspective, it is neutral: Neither a good thing and a help, nor a bad thing and a threat.

From a totalitarian conservative or radical feminist perspective however, it is inherently evil. It is, by definition, a lie – Or at least a contradiction in terms. One core belief shared by patriarchal conservatism and radical feminism is that men are, by definition, dominant/oppressive, while women are, again by definition, submissive/oppressed. While the conservatives consider it good and the radical feminists consider it evil, both sides agree that That’s Just The Way It Is. Thus, the dominant women and submissive men of BDSM must be explained away for their worldview to remain intact. And an all-out attack is always the easiest defense.

By Xzenu Cronström Beskow

The author is a  queerfeminist veteran, active both in struggles against sexual abuse and  for the rights of sexual minorities. Xzenu has  academic degrees in psychology and sexology.

Monday 9 November 2009

Love, Surrender and Bliss

Madam P and I had the most splendid weekend ever.  On Friday Madam took me to a play party at a private dungeon.  The party was low key and laid back.  There weren’t a lot of people there (maybe 15 or 20), and the atmosphere was intimate and familiar (even though we didn’t know most of the people.)  Lucky for us, our 2 favorite people from the local BDSM scene were also there, so we enjoyed socializing with them for quite a while.

Madam and I settled into a comfy sofa for a little bit, watching the various forms of torture and beatings happening all around us.  After a while we got up and started to explore different areas and pieces of equipment around the dungeon.  A sex swing suspended from the ceiling by 4 heavy chains caught Madam’s attention.  She had me lay down on the swing, hooking my ankles into the velvet loops attached to 2 of the chains.  I was splayed out, my legs straight up in the air and spread, but still fully dressed (if you call a skimpy cami that barely covered my big boobs and a short crotch-length denim skirt fully dressed.)  Madam started out nibbling on, and then biting, my inner thighs.  Without getting too graphic (out of respect for Madam), after Madam removed my top, she bit and nibbled me to several screaming (and I mean SCREAMING) orgasms!  (Everyone present is now keenly aware that I’m a screamer.)

After Madam P was done making me scream my head off, she had me running around the house waiting on her with just my 5 inch heels and ultra-short skirt on.  I fetched her water and a cookie or 2.  We hid out in a cage for about half an hour, Madam laid out and me on all fours, passionately making out.  It seemed like Madam was winding down (it was getting late), so I excused myself to use the bathroom expecting that we would head home after I was done.  When I came back a few minutes later, Madam informed me that she’d been talking with a dominant man, PH, who we had watched working his canes on a pretty lady earlier in the evening; Madam said she had asked PH if he would be willing to cane her slave girl and he said yes.

I’d mentioned to Madam earlier in the evening as we’d watched PH working that I was curious about the canes since I’ve never experienced them before.  And even though I was nervous and a little scared, I was very eager to obey Madam P’s directions and to make Madam proud by taking the caning without complaint or resistance. 

I stripped naked and laid myself out on the table where PH had his tools set up.  He started out easy, working my butt, explaining his technique to Madam, showing her different ways to stroke the cane for different effects.  PH worked down to the backs of my thighs and my calves.  He worked his way back up to my butt and my back below the shoulder blades.  All the while he kept striking me a little harder and a little harder.  I remember that it hurt like hell at first.  I tried to control my breathing to stay calm and redirect the pain, but it was no use; PH was in complete control of my breathing… I gasped for air with each stroke.  Little moans and whimpers started to escape from somewhere deep inside.  At some point, I felt a calm wash over me.  I relaxed into the rhythm of PH’s blows, as though my body realized that tension was only making it hurt worse.  Every now and then, PH would land a quick hard SMACK across my butt causing me to cry out and bounce a few inches off the table; all the people standing around watching him work on me loved seeing me bounce off the table with a loud YELP (according to Madam P.)  At one point, PH started poking my butt and thighs (where he’d been hitting me) with his finger which caused me to laugh and giggle; the spectators enjoyed that too apparently.

Madam says that when it was over I had this dreamy look on my face, like I was high or drunk.  I felt good, refreshed, blissed out.  The pain didn’t really set in until the next day.  Over all, I’d say that I loved the experience.  I loved the endorphin rush.  (I can see how people get hooked on skillful beatings.)  I love the bruises.  I loved being on the table, letting out yelps and screams… I know how much Madam loves to hear me scream, and I love screaming for her.  And I love that Madam has discovered that tender bruised muscles can be useful in controlling bratty behavior.

Here it is Monday, and I have the most beautiful black bruises all over my ass.  Madam has found that because my butt is still so tender to the touch, all she has to do is to poke me in the butt with her finger to make me yelp and squirm if I’m acting bratty with her.  (I love it when Madam P gets creative and spontaneous about correcting bad behavior.)

Madam says she’s taking me to another play party this coming Friday.  I can hardly wait to see what surprises she has in store this time.

(Hey, remind me to tell you about how I spent most of Saturday night soundly sleeping on the floor at Madam’s feet in the living room.)

13 Hardcore Hotties

  • Marie Luv

  • Fayth Deluca

  • Annette Schwarz

  • Phoenix Marie

  • Devon Lee

  • Gia Paloma

  • Isis Love

  • Gwen Diamond

  • Presley Maddox

  • Alexa Lynn

  • Tyla Wynn

  • Delilah Strong

  • Claire Dames

Wednesday 4 November 2009

Wednesday

I learned Ignited will be available from Ellora’s Cave on January 26th. I’m excited because Body Shots releases on December 15th, so I’ll have 2 out in a row from EC.

Another good Nano day 1862 for today. 540 yesterday. Not so good, but I’ll reach my goal either way.

I have an awesome contest going on this month for newsletter subscribers. Why not join and get a change at a free book and a gift card.

authoramberskyze-subscribe@yahoogroups.com    

Short post today because I have lots of editing to do. Happy Hump Day!

Friday 30 October 2009

Varför skulle en tjej klä ut sig till tjej?

Intervju med filmskaparen Tove Pils

Jag la till Tove på myspace för ett par månader sedan, fullständigt övertygad om att det var en kille. Profilbilden är avskuren ovanför munnen, en visserligen tjejigt fyllig mun, men med en maskulin haka och hals därunder. Och en blond svallande peruk. Så klart måste det vara en kille i drag. För varför skulle en tjej klä ut sig till tjej?


Från Toves myspace

Svaret kommer under samtalet jag har med Tove en iskall kväll i oktober på Nya Tröls i Malmö. Bilderna på myspace kommer från Take my sex away, en kortfilm av Tove Pils, Lovisa Elwerdotter och Anna Eborn. Det är en dokumentär om Tove själv – och om att identifiera sig vare sig som man eller kvinna.
”Det ska vara så, att man aldrig får veta om huvudpersonen är tjej eller kille. Det ska inte heller problematiseras. Vi ville att det inte skulle uppfattas som ett problem utan som något som kan vara kul. Men en av mina lärare tyckte att det saknades förklaringar, svar på frågan varför.” Förklaringar som annars, när man skapar film, kan räknas som ett försök att skriva publiken på näsan.

Nu jobbar Tove på en längre film – runt 20 minuter ska PUSH ME bli. Den handlar om gränsöverskridande, men redan vid uttalandet av ordet märks det att begreppet kan vara problematiskt. För vad är egentligen gränsöverskridande? Vad betyder det?
Det som är gränsöverskridande för någon är det inte för en annan, och när man väl överskrider gränserna känns det som att de knappt har funnits. Tove berättar skrattande om föreställningen Queer X Show, som hon såg både i Berlin och i Malmö. Den gjorde sig betydligt bättre i Malmö – antagligen för att den i Malmö utmanade gränser på ett sätt den inte kunde göra i den större staden. När hon för kompisarna i Berlin, som hon tidigare bott i, uttryckte att showen gott kunde innehållit lite mer sex utbrast de unisont: ”NEJ inte mer SEX! Alla performance här innehåller sex. Det är såå långtråkigt!”


PUSH ME – konceptbild. Foto: Andrea Kåberg

Just nu skriver Tove manus till PUSH ME. ”Men jag tycker det är skitjobbigt att skriva manus! Det går långsamt, jag har så svårt att koncentrera mig”, säger hon och hela hon andas rastlöshet: fingrarna plockar, kroppen ser ut att vilja brista ut i stora gester. Jag frågar om det inte går att jobba på ett annat sätt, och tänker på mer workshop-betonade metoder som jag har för mig använts i andra filmer, t ex This is England. Tove svarar att hon liksom föresatt sig att skriva ett manus, att hon behöver det för att söka finansiering, och att ett mer experimentellt tillvägagångssätt kräver mer tid och skådespelare som är beredda på att jobba annorlunda.

PUSH ME handlar om 25-åriga Siri som tillsammans med något äldre transsexuella kompisen Lee börjar testa gränser. I den nära vänskapen finns en trygghet som gör det möjligt, men närheten kan också vara förvirrande och utsuddande.
Siris längtan efter ett större livsrum är som ett starkt rop inom henne:

Allting bara väntar på mig
Jag ska snart ta stora steg framåt, följa efter min röst i någon riktning, vilken som helst. Testa allt jag vill, känna luft som river i mitt bröst, ut­mattning, livet, kön, händer på mig.

Jag vill dansa insmord i olja, i läderremmar med en piska, med en massa smink och strålkastarljus som är varmt mot huden. Jag vill ha mörkbrunt långt hår som är stort och svallar. Min röst ska vara stark och stor. Och alla mina känslor ska fångas i rösten och bli ljudvågor som ska slå emot er med en sådan kraft att ni ska känna chock. Den ska få er att börja om från noll, glömma allt och börja om på nytt.

- ur projektbeskrivningen till PUSH ME

Siri och Lee börjar pusha varandra till förändringar, Siri prövar sin röst, klär ut sig, men längtar efter en ännu tydligare symbol, något att hänga upp förändringen på. Det leder till att de går på BDSM-workshop, och så sakteliga förändras Siris uppfattning om vad som är okej för henne att göra.


Siri och Lee – konceptbild. Foto: Andrea Kåberg

Svårigheten med manusskrivandet ligger mycket i hur Siris förändring ska gestaltas. Vad är det som får en person att kliva över sina gränser och göra det hon inte tidigare vågat? Och hur visar man det genom filmiskt berättande?
Att även själva filminspelningen och processen måste innehålla öppenhet, glädje och trygghet är en självklarhet för att kunna genomföra projektet, och en tydlig ambition hos Tove. Vi återkommer till frågan om hur mycket karaktärerna ska styras av manus och hur mycket skådespelarna själva ska bidra till utvecklingen, och hela tiden dyker Shortbus upp som referens – en film där det är uppenbart att de inblandade har fått arbeta med sig själva och sina egna gränser under inspelningen. ”Men jag har inte med det drag av komedi som finns i Shortbus”, säger Tove. ”Även om det är kul om man kan skratta här och där.”

Tove hämtar mycket stoff till sina filmer från egna erfarenheter, tankar och känslor. Hon menar att det är en politisk handling att öppna upp sig själv på det sättet, något som i sin tur kan leda till att fler vågar göra samma sak.
I november slutar Tove sitt jobb som receptionist på ett danskt företag och hyr ut sin lägenhet. Inga fasta utgifter ska tvinga henne att jobba och hindra henne från att göra det hon vill. I januari – tror och hoppas hon – börjar inspelningen av PUSH ME.


Tove Pils

Wednesday 28 October 2009

Bondage May Make Men Happier!

Bondage and discipline may actually make men happier, according to the first national survey of Australians’ fetish habits.

The new sex study has revealed that 2 percent of Australian men and 1.4 percent of women admit to enjoying dominance, submission and sadomasochism-type sex in the past year.

But researchers involved in the phone survey of 20,000 people say they expect many more Australians to be engaging in the practice but unwilling to label it BDSM (bondage, discipline, domination and submission).

“There will definitely be more men and women who have sexual tastes in this direction but won’t call it this,” said Dr. Juliet Richters, of the University of New South Wales.

“They might not like sex magazines but they just happen to like being tied up and spanked as part of foreplay.

“Ask them if they’re into BDSM they’ll say ‘Yuck, no’.” (who would say that about BDSM???)

The survey results, to be presented at the World Association of Sexual Health congress in Sydney this week, give the first snapshot of Australians involved in bondage behavior.

These fetishes were most common among gay, lesbian and bisexual people and heterosexuals who are “bi-interested”, said Dr. Richters, the lead researcher. (BULL SHIT!)

In women, BDSM was most popular among under 20-year-olds and those who had a partner they didn’t live with. There were no age or relationship trends in men, she said.

People who engaged in the habit were more likely to be sexually adventurous in other ways, like trying anal sex and phone sex, looking at internet pornography or using sex toys.

“These are people for whom sex is a hobby,” Dr Richters said.

They were no more likely to have suffered sexual difficulties, sexual abuse or coercion or anxiety than other Australians.

In fact, says Dr. Richters, men into BDSM scored significantly better on a scale of psychological well being than other men.

“This seems to imply that these men are actually happier as a result of their behavior, though we’re not sure why,” she said.

“It might just be that they’re more in harmony with themselves because they’re into something unusual and are comfortable with that.

“There’s a lot to be said for accepting who you are.”

Researchers said the study helps break down the reigning stereotype that people into bondage and discipline were damaged as children and were therefore “dysfunctional”.

“We really found that BDSM is simply a sexual interest or subculture attractive to a minority, not a pathological symptom of past abuse or difficulty with ‘normal’ sex,” Dr. Richters said.

“They’ve just got a broader and more unusual sexual repertoire than most.”

Friday 23 October 2009

Generasjon kink

Dagbladet Fredag trykket i dag noe så sjeldent som en relativt fornuftig artikkel om kink. Journalisten har unngått imponerende mange feller, men klarer ikke alle.

BDSM og fetisjisme ville ikke vært like interessant for de mer tabloide delene av riksmedia dersom det ikke hadde vært for at det fortsatt har en god porsjon sjokkfaktor, og hvis den sjokkfaktoren ikke skal kastes bort må man jo som journalist kaste på flis og blåse litt på glørne. Dermed holder det ikke med Oslointervjuene, det ser ut til at Tønsbergfolket har vært villige til å komme med de spenstigste uttalelsene.

De som stiller opp på denne typen intervjuer gjør det som regel fordi de ønsker å fremme aksept for BDSM ved hjelp av informasjon. De som ikke stiller opp, og dem er det jo langt flere av, begrunner det ofte med at de ikke tror at det nytter fordi det sjokkerende blir så viktig at det blir vanskelig å gi et riktig bilde av hva de gjør. Selv tenker jeg at det er bedre å snakke for seg selv enn å snakke gjennom noen som forsøker å selge aviser, og at man ikke nødvendigvis snakker dårligere uten et ansikt.

Det er gode ting i denne artikkelen. Forståelsen av BDSM som lek er viktig, fokuset på at det er et miljø, og at det ikke bare er en soveromsaktivitet.

Så er det småting som plager meg, som at ordet slave blir brukt som samlebegrep i stedet for å bli omtalt som den spesifikke rollen det faktisk er, og at et ord som det har blitt brukt uten å bli verken forklart eller problematisert er uansett ikke best egnet til å opplyse folk om hva BDSM handler om.

Men hvem kan vel klandre en journalist for at han tar med de mest sjokkerende uttalelsene og bruker de mest fengende ordene? Noe annet ville gjort ham til en dårlig utøver av yrket sitt.

De menneskene som stiller opp er eksempler, ikke representanter. Og det tatt i betraktning fikk vi et bedre bilde av variasjonen i miljøet enn jeg har sett noe annet sted, selv om jeg ikke tror at denne artikkelen var best egnet til å løsne på fordommene.

Derimot er den et utmerket sted å starte en samtale om BDSM, og kanskje til og med en offentlig debatt. Kanskje det kan bidra til å bli kvitt sykeliggjøringen.

Wednesday 21 October 2009

Release

Okay for those of you who read my blog and no NOTHING about the BDSM lifestyle I do not have the patience to try and explain it all today.  Needless to say if you have questions about anything I write feel free to leave your questions as a comment or track me down on fetlife. 

I have not played in forever!  I am literally starving for a much needed trip into sub space.  It is much like depriving a plant of water.  It WILL in fact die.  Now I am not saying that I am about to fall over and die of not getting a BDSM inspired release but I am saying that the need is very much there.  I wish it were about sex sometimes.  That I could get if I wanted it.  It’s more than that.  It is very much about someone taking instruments that on their surface do not look dangerous and inflicting at least some amount of pain.  It is even more so about someone taking that control. 

Statement of fact:  If you are reading this from  my fetlife link — I am not talking about just ANYONE taking that control.  There are men in my community that I trust and would be able to find that release with.  I am not seeking some random guy to come and try to dominate me.  That is not what this post is about.

**side note:  it’s terribly sad that I even HAD to put that statement of fact in this post.  It is a testament to the state of this lifestyle. 

Okay, back to my thought process.  I’ve had offers to play but the truth is I don’t know exactly what kind of play I am looking for.  I mean if you were to take the entire list of different types of play I wouldn’t even know where to begin!  I mean the idea of some needle play sounds nice but I also am in the mood for a little pain (notice the word LITTLE).  Being this wound up is really driving me crazy.  I just want one evening where I can absolutely let go and find that escape that has been eluding me.

So I am going to several events this weekend and will be out and about around tons of kinky people but my fear is that even in the midst of all these events I am going to wake up Monday morning being even more wound up than I already am.  That would totally suck!!

Falling into place

After many false starts and much pushing from my husband, we had a long talk last night about issues that have been unsettling to me and he realized just how much he was over thinking things. The conversation ended on a good note and we both felt relieved to have everything out in the open. I shyly suggested that I would very much like to be “intimate” with him this evening since I felt so much better for having talked.

I’m not sure how it happened, but it feels like everything fell into place last night. While we were playing he was kind and loving, giving me lots of positive reinforcement but still teasing me considerably to keep me off my toes which creates a positively wonderful tension. He started calling me his girl, which feels right on so many levels. It was an incredible session. He pinched and bit my nipples, praising me for how much I could take. I begged him to be allowed to have him come in my mouth and with some verbal direction from him I was able to with just my mouth and hands which was a victory for me since I haven’t been able to do that for some time. He made me come with his fingers and I once again squirted (and of course forgot to lay something down under me beforehand). We cuddled afterwards and it was the sweetest moment I’ve had with him so far. There was such positive energy flowing and we finally found exactly what I was looking for and it seems to fit what he’s looking for as well which is just incredible.

So now I’m his sweet girl and I cannot begin to describe how happy that makes me.

Friday 16 October 2009

Bettdeckenschlägerin

Morgen

Meine Laune ist heute so ein Mittelding … eigentlich ist sie ganz gut … ärger mich halt nur noch über gestern Abend rum …

Über die SZ hat mich nun endlich mal was interessantes angeschrieben … und dann hat der gestern Abend verpennt … … und heute Morgen hat ich dann, nachdem ich sehr “nett” was getippt hatte *lach*, ne Antwort … nur so Ausflüchte “verpennt und dann Training” BLAH … boah … und diesen Ärger da drüber, kann ich natürlich nicht rauslassen … ausser ich verhaue meine Bettdecke … (Gedankennotiz: Vorher gucken ob Katze B drunter liegt und pennt) … mir gehen gerade nur böse Dinge durchn Kopf … ich hasse es zu warten … und dann noch verpennen, geht garnet … das war schließlich net nachts … boah …

Dat Höllenweib

Wednesday 14 October 2009

Media Update

Supreme Court to hear case about ’sex slave’ website

CNN.com – Washington DC

The Supreme Court will delve into the shadowy world of sadomasochism next year as it looks into the case of a sex trafficker, known as the “S&M Svengali,” whose criminal conviction had been set aside. …

Top Court to Review S&M Sex Trafficking Case

Leagle, Inc.

During these visits, Marcus engaged in BDSM activities with Jodi and Joanna, and sometimes other women. These activities included branding Jodi, …

Grand Island Holiday Inn Books Swingers Convention
WBFO

A pastor says they have learned it is a swingers convention for couples. Click the audio player above to hear Eileen Buckley’s full story now or use your …

Swingers Go Wild for Bill Plympton
Willamette Week

Not that “swingers” are unsavory either. Am I digging myself a hole here? I will admit, I was a little nervous when I walked into the club, …

Monday 12 October 2009

Sexual Entity Part 2

As promised, here is the second part of Sexual Entity:

Mistress moves away.  My covered eyes follow her.  She stops near the table.

“Come here, mel.”

I crawl on my hands and knees to her voice.  My vibrating pussy leaves a moist trail down both of my thighs.  The act of crawling starts another stretch deep within me.  Few things make me come faster than crawling to my Owner.  Few things depict my natural role as eloquently as going to my Mistress on my hands and knees.  If she would let me, I would stay at her feet always.

I bite my lip and my body quivers as I near her.  My head bumps against her leg and I lean into her as I orgasm again.

Mistress pets my head until I am calm.  Unlike her other slaves, I am not required to request permission to come.  Mistress would not have time for that.  My orgasms come too frequently when I am in her presence.

Mistress guides me to my right with a gentle press of her hand.

“Up on your knees, mel.  I want you to clean Denny’s sac with your mouth.  I want you to do a thorough job.”

I rise up on my knees and feel my way to Denny’s balls.  I lick and suck as Mistress ordered me to.  I listen to the sounds of her clipping Denny’s nipples.  I hear vibrators.  Denny squirms and whimpers.

Mistress orders Denny to open his mouth.  I recognize the sound of Mistress’s strap-on filling Denny’s mouth.  I suck harder and squirm, too.  My holes are jealous.  They stretch and throb.  I make more noise as I suck.  Mistress doesn’t know it but my performance is a show.  I want to be her only holes.  I do what she orders, hoping that will be my reward.

“mel, come to me.”

I crawl to the other end of the table.  I bump into a wooden leg before I find Mistress.  She removes my blindfold then climbs onto the table.  Her strap-on never leaves Denny’s mouth.  She straddles him, fucking his face.

“mel, you know where your tongue belongs.”

I dive into Mistress’s pussy from behind.  I lick her clit and bury my nose deep within her moistness.  I kiss her juices into my mouth with loud, slurping pops.  Her taste is warm and tangy.  My tongue flicks hard against her clit then joins my nose deep inside of her.  I breathe only when necessary and then through my mouth.  Mistress allows me this honor so rarely I do not want to waste a moment on something as trivial as oxygen.  I breathe deeply and feel the soft, pillowy flesh filling my mouth and nostrils.  I forget that my purpose is to please Mistress and I care only about getting as much of her as I can.

Mistress feels this.  She knows it.  She orders me away.

“Stand in the doorway, mel.”

Dizzy from her scent, her juices covering my face, I walk unsteadily to the hallway entrance.  Afraid I have displeased my Mistress, I close my eyes, hang my head and wait.  I try not to come.  The juice from my pussy tickles me as it runs down my thighs but I dare not move.

Mistress pulls her cock from Denny’s mouth.  It pops free.  He is as reluctant as I am to give up anything of Mistress’s.

Mistress comes to me.  I open my eyes but keep them lowered.  Her gorgeous breasts are in front of me.  One nipple is exposed.  Plump, luscious, mouthwatering.  Few garments can restrain Mistress’s glorious body.  It demands to be seen.

I lick my lips and sway towards Mistress.  As always, I have no control when my body is near her.  It moves to her instinctively, as all things do when seeking sustenance.  Mistress is the universe and my soul requires her.

She touches my face and I jerk violently.  My head falls back and I moan.  She allows me to lean against her and I twist and whimper as a small orgasm flows through me.

Perhaps these are not orgasms.  Maybe I am simply breathing–oxygen in, oxygen out.  Maybe it is merely the blood coursing through my veins that I feel.  I only know that with Mistress, all is sex.  All is arousal.  When I am with her, every drop of fluid in my body, whether it be blood, saliva or urine, ends up in my pussy, exploding into cum and delivering me to bliss.

Mistress whispers to me, her velvet voice caressing my ear.

“You know what you did, don’t you, baby?”

I twist hard again.  Baby.  She called me baby.  I nod, unable to speak as I fight the stretch connecting my cunt to my nipples.

“You forgot what you are, didn’t you?”

I whimper and nod again.  My head is against her shoulder and even in my current state, my mouth yearns for her nipple.  I drop towards it but pull back.  What ecstatic torture this discipline of temptation and denial.

“You were pleasing yourself, weren’t you, mel?  You weren’t thinking about pleasing me.”

I manage a barely audible, “No, ma’am,” before another orgasm takes control.

“What are you, mel?”

“A sexual entity, Mistress.”  It is a whisper.  A whimpered, tortured whisper.

“What is your purpose?”

“To please you, Mistress.”

She kisses me lightly on the cheek.

“Go to the dungeon, mel, and assume the position on the horse.  I’ll be in shortly to administer your punishment.”

My legs barely carry me as I wobble down the hallway to the dungeon.  Punishment, reward, temptation, denial, pain, pleasure, breathing, orgasms.  Indistinguishable concepts that all mean one thing.  Servitude.  I belong to Mistress and I exist to serve and I feel whole as I make my way to the dungeon.  I feel free and elated and so fucking aroused that I come again.

I assume the position on the horse–stomach and chest flat on the padded top, knees in the cubbies and holes in the air.

Mistress leaves me for an eternity.  I hear Denny’s ecstatic moans in the other room as his purpose is fulfilled.  I chant “sexual entity” in my brain and try not to get jealous, but I can control it no longer and the thought screams through my head, “Why is he having all the fun?”

I calm myself and think submissive thoughts.  I must be prepared for any punishment Mistress might choose.  Perhaps this is my punishment–to listen to another slave getting what I want.  I start to come.  Punishment, reward, temptation, denial.  There are no boundaries in this universe of Mistress.  Everything makes me come.

By the time Mistress leads Denny to the dungeon, I am almost sliding off the horse I am so wet and so anxious.

Mistress yanks out my vibrating plug without warning.  I yelp.  I’d forgotten it was in there it had become such a part of me.  I feel empty.  My ass wiggles towards Mistress, wanting to be refilled.  I whimper.

“mel forgot her place earlier, Denny.  Like you, she exists to please me, but she wanted to pleasure herself instead.  She needs to be reminded that what she wants is not important.  You understand that, don’t you, Denny?”

“Yes, Mistress.”

“I think she needs to be reminded . . . ”

Mistress’s hand lands hard on my ass.  The surprise and the pain jolt me forward.

“ . . . with a spanking.”

Mistress’s hand finds a different spot on my ass with every blow.  The stings grow stronger.  The pain nears unbearable.  The orgasms come non-stop.

Mistress suddenly ceases.  The heat from my ass crawls up my body and tingles my scalp.  Tears and saliva stain my face and the padding beneath me.  My knuckles burn from clutching the legs of the horse.  Through my pain and my bliss I manage to utter one word.

“More.”

“What did you say?”

Mistress’s voice is angry but I feel her smile.

“More, Mistress.  Please.”  Knowing I have pleased her gives me strength.  “Please, Mistress.  More.”

Her hand runs so gently and so softly across my fiery ass that I cry , then the spanking resumes.  I squirm and bounce and call out her name.  The pain lifts me and engulfs me and I feel myself floating.  It becomes unrecognizable as pain and it takes on a different form.  I can not identify it.  I have never been able to identify it but I have learned that this is the only universe where it exists.

My brain tells my mouth to say “mercy”, the word Mistress has given me to protect myself, but before the word comes out, Mistress stops.  Mistress always knows.

I tremble from euphoric shock. I notice odd things, like the shape of my tears as they inch from the corners of my eyes, or the sound of Mistress’s breathing.  She is talking–I hear her voice–but the words are so distant.  It’s her breathing I hear clearly.  Her heartbeat.  Her words are not as important to me at this moment as simply knowing that she is alive.  That she is okay.  That I still belong to her.

I feel calm.

Through the fog I realize Mistress is straddling my ass.  Again, I hear her words in the distance.  They speak of property.  Her heartbeat throbs soothingly in my head.

Wetness hits my enflamed ass and I cry out.  Mistress is marking me.  Her piss flows over me and into my holes.  My pussy swallows her warm fluid.  I orgasm again and I think of calling for mercy.  My bliss is overwhelming.  I feel almost frightened.

Mistress dismounts and orders Denny to stand behind me.  Mistress puts on her strap-on and stands behind Denny.  Then, in a display of dominance so beautiful and so meaningful it makes me feel powerful, too, Mistress puts Denny on her cock and fucks me with him.  Her cock pierces us both.  I turn to watch in the mirror.  I am reared back, forcing myself farther onto Mistress and her cocks.  Sweat and piss fly from my body and Denny’s, too.  If I squint just right, Denny disappears and I see only Mistress fucking me.

Denny and I come.  He asks for and receives permission first.  I simply come.  Again.  I no longer count and I no longer care.  It could be an orgasm or it could simply be breathing.  I don’t care.  It pleases Mistress and that is all that matters.