Admit it... you want her!
A lot of people who become interested in BDSM want to try being a bottom first. I have no real proof of this, but I’ve heard it numerous times from friends and acquaintances. Very few people want to try domming first, completely understandable considering how much work and thought has to go into being a top. The planning, intellectual portion of domming can be much easier if you’ve bottomed. You know what works, what doesn’t, and you go into the experience with a basic idea of things you can do.
Ok, you want a dom. How do you find one? Well, depends on a few things. Do you want it to be someone you date, someone you just have sex with, or someone you explore BDSM with without having sex with them? Decide and go from there. If you don’t want to be sexual with the person, a pro dom may be your best bet. They have a strict code of conduct and any pro who didn’t follow the rules wouldn’t be in business long. But if you want someone to date or have sex with, that’s another story. I would ask you how you usually find you sexual partners or previous significant others, this would also be your best bet for finding those things with a dom.
If you’re an internet dater, there are sites that cater to daters of a kinky nature, there is also always craigslist. If you’re someone who does better in bars or likes picking up people in person, there are also kinky bars/get togethers where you could do that and find someone who shares your sexual proclivities. As long as you’re honest and up front with what you’d like to explore and what you are interested, use whatever method you’re comfortable with.
With that said, when looking for a dom, you’re looking for someone you’re going to allow into your life in a way you’d never allow most people. You need to pay attention had have some screenings in place to assure you have the safest experience possible. Here are some red flags to look out for, good signs to look for and things you have every right to demand.
1. Look for the acronym SSC. It stands for “Safe, Sane, Consensual,” the BDSM community’s motto. Someone using it means that they both subscribe to a very important sexual philosophy and are well versed in the BDSM community.
2. Look for someone who lets you set the limits. Subs set the terms. It is all about the subs boundaries and comfort. Don’t let anyone tell you any different, if they do, they’re not worth your time.
3. Have a non-play conversation before you agree to a scene. You need to have the limits talk, discuss how much sexuality will be involved and exchange personal information. You have every right to ask for their full name, and if you are meeting in person, demand it.
4. Speaking of meeting in person, it’s common sense, but meet in a public place first. Have a friend you know and trust know where you are going, give them your dom’s full name, the address of where you will be and any other information you have. Set up a safety phone call, if you don’t call by a certain time, they call you. If you don’t answer or you do and say a predetermined word indicating you’re uncomfortable, they will call the police. If you do go back to a place to play, make sure it is your place, you’ll be more comfortable when you know your surroundings.
5. I recommend playing on the phone or online first. This allows you to see their domming personality. Pay attention. If they push you too hard, are evasive about sharing information but demand more and more from you, if they keep bringing up something you’ve stated has made you uncomfortable, don’t meet them.
6. Don’t ever, ever meet anyone who says anything about not needing to talk about limits or not needing a safe word. They don’t know what they are talking about, DO NOT PLAY WITH THEM!
7. Last, listen to your gut. Even if everything seems fine and they are being more than accommodating, if something feels off, don’t play with them. This is all about your needs and making you feel comfortable, you can find another dom, you can’t erase a bad experience. Better safe then sorry.
So go out and play, just be safe, put in a screening process, and find the right dom for you. Any dom worth your time will be more than understanding about your requirements, and will respect you more for having them.
written by: Cleofaye
No comments:
Post a Comment