Partying in Scandinavia I

This is the first part  that puts focus on what you can do if you happen to visit Sweden or Denmark as a kinkster. This interview is done with Fredsarmé, one of the organizers of a new fetishclub in the south of Sweden. Their next event takes place this weekend and they plan on having events on every third month.

For some one who has never heard about Lunds lekloft, what can you tell about it? Would you say it’s different from other kinky clubs in Sweden and in that case, how would it be different?

- Lunds Lekloft is one of the largest clubs in southern Sweden with clear focus on fetishism, kinky sex and BDSM. There are mainly three things that differentiate us from other clubs with similar focus in Sweden.

1. We are exceptionally allowing when it comes to different types of play, and provide first-class safety.
2. We allocate a great deal of efforts towards the playrooms.
3. We try to get hold of exciting and notorious shows.

How did the idea of arranging a reoccurring event come to mind?

- The idea of Lunds Lekloft was created in an increasing urge for such a party in Skåne, there were a period of almost a year when nobody had arranged anything of such kind in Skåne. MissAnderson and I felt that we hade the necessary skills and motivation to end the problem. We hade both visited most of the events in southern Sweden, so we had a clear opinion of what was missing and what could be done better. After long time of research and discussions we eventually know exactly what we wanted to create. As they say: the rest is history.

Was it difficult to find a venue that was appropriate for the event? Did you have to make any special arrangements in order to get access to the venue?

-To find an appropriate venue was actually one of the most difficult obstacles in our way, especially since we didn’t want any restrictions on play or outfit. One has to find the right interior design, the right amount of rooms, the right surroundings and location, the right venue owner and most important the right feeling. Unfortunately most venue owners were not at all very positive to give room for the activities we were interested in. It sure wasn’t easy but eventually we found a venue we both liked, and with some adaptations, design and effort it really was quiet nice.

What would your advice to any one who would like to organize a kinky party?

-Only enter this complex and demanding business if you are perfectly sure that you have what it takes, failure is not an option! Experience from entrepreneurship, event-planning, marketing, and management is not a bad thing to have. I have experience from six entrepreneurial companies and I am quiet positive: the experience has helped me a lot. One of the most usual mistakes is that the organizers create what they think is missing or what they would like having, they are not focusing enough on costumers value. We are doing this for the sake of our guest – our costumers, and nobody else.

In Sweden, every time any one set up a new event, there is always an issue with the dresscode. The question is ‘to be or not to be dressed’ or maybe even, ‘what to dress in, how to dress’. After reading on your website and reading your thorough statement on dressode and code of conduct it struck me that you really make an effort to include as well as help those who want to come to your club. How did you work the dresscode out, what was your main concerns and how do you, as club organizer, plan to enforce that dresscode?

- Our main vision of Lunds Lekloft is to be to offer a club that is as allowing as possible. Our dresscode is following that vision so that we want to allow everything, with only two exceptions. First for uniforms now used by authority in Sweden, because there are restrictions in the law for the use of those and it could be a juridical problem for both the wearer and for us. The second exception is for outfits that are not differenced enough from what you could wear on an ordinary club. We are aware that far from everyone finds fetishism attractive but we demand some kinky creativity and willingness to stand out from ordinary clubbers, because we are not an ordinary club. The fact that everyone are wearing an outfit that are reflecting kinky sexuality in some way will create a way better sensation for all guests.

After the first event what kind of feedback did you get?

- People seemed so glad that we had started Lunds Lekloft, and they wanted us to continue! We got quiet a lot of tips on how to make next event even better, and we have listened to our costumers. I can with strong confidence say that next event will be greatly better.

And finally, what is the best thing about organizing the Loft?

- No doubt the best thing about organizing Lunds Lekloft is all the positive feedback we get. The smiles on the faces of our guests are really worth all the effort!

Thank you Fredsarmé for that interview and good luck to you and MissAnderson this weekend!

Who Loves Salvadore Dali?

Salvadore Dali's Crucifiction

Can we have a show of hands please?  Dali’s art often leaves me breathless with shock as though each time were the first time I’d peeked.  And the first time I encountered his work was long before I’d taken up masturbation as my cross to bear (yes, it is indeed my sad lot in life to find compulsion ever at my fingertips). Some of the images he invokes on canvas are straight out of my most absurd and surreal dreams, whilst others are nearly pastorally serene. Though is any of his work truly free of the bizzarre or the sensational?

I thought Phil might especially appreciate this particular piece as  he enjoys a bit of religious iconography as much as the next man. Just not before morning coffee and that first delicious hands on treatment sure to bring out the best in Him.  Or the Beast.  Just today while practicing our hand and mouth dexterity skills, the Beast roared!  Obscene and explicit and wild, the Beast shouted to the stained glass rafters and startled a poor soul who chose that very moment to enter our hallowed halls.  It’s a good thing the Beast can beat a hasty retreat leaving nothing in his wake save shaking limbs and wanton glances.  Check out the following link as well to discover Karine Percheron-Danielsan’s interpretation of Dali that truly does him proud. Her work is remarkable in its own right, in my not so humble opinion.

http://www.saatchi-gallery.co.uk/yourgallery/artist_profile/Karine+Percheron-daniels/109766.html

Here’s to sharing a Dali moment with those you love most.

Cheers!

Music Moment: Amanda Palmer, Surprisingly More Thought-Provoking Than I Suspected

Well, dang, Amanda Palmer, I did not expect this entry to turn out like this when I began writing. I always thought you rated as talented and fun, but not always for me, but once I had to start pondering you, I began to wonder if it might be that you hit a little too close to home? So thanks?

Amanda Palmer – Runs in the Family

“With me, well, I’m well,
well, I mean, I’m in hell,
well, I still have my health,
at least that’s what they tell me.
If wellness is this,
what in hell’s name is sickness,
but business is business
and business runs in the family…”

Here is a link to the official video for this really excellent track from her LP Who Killed Amanda Palmer, available through Roadrunner Records and produced by Ben Folds (also the album art is by Neil Gaiman … because they are dating, which I cannot comprehend). I’m not crazy about the video, so I’m not embedding it here. I think her showy, fitful histrionics kind of rob the song of its natural jumpiness and make it almost less nerve-wracking.

Amanda began her career with the Dresden Dolls, about whom the wiki has this nugget to say which for me says it all:
The two describe their style as “Brechtian punk cabaret”, a phrase invented by Palmer because she was “terrified” that the press would invent a name that “would involve the word gothic.” The Dresden Dolls are part of an underground dark cabaret movement that started gaining momentum in the early 1990s.

Brecht, punk, cabaret — I find these to be overused words, I stigmatize them because they drip with deliberate intellect, I kind of sneer at them, okay? However, that’s hypocritical as hell because I used terms like “dark cabaret” yesterday in describing Annie. Or is it? I don’t know because the Dresden Dolls never struck the right notes for me personally. I found them too … pat in their spin, in their self-styling. I should have loved them, being a fan of weirdness and steampunk and tinkly music and frankly some also pretty dark shit, you know, wink wink SEXWISE, is what I mean! …

I realized these Music Moment posts tend to run really long because I like music way too much, and can’t bear to only give you half the story on someone I think is really special, so click here to keep reading about Amanda Palmer and my queer little problems with her.

… but despite even our common kinks, I just never could get into them.

I am much fonder of Amanda Palmer’s wilder and I think maybe more heartfelt solo work, although I still find her onstage personality and even her videos a tough sell, which I am trying to wrap my mind around even as I admit it.

I guess I like a waifish, lost girl, which is not the persona that Amanda Palmer espouses as her stage self, whatever she is like personally. I don’t know if I identify better with that more overtly femme and even vulnerable type of hurt-me-save-me-just-pay-attention personality and so love them for that reason, or if they somehow awaken in me a perversely opposite number, like, “I will handle being the busty, snarky one, here, I will be the tomboy who barges in and solves your problems, you just sit there and look pretty and let me occasionally wreck you because sometimes your weakness makes me want to mercilessly stomp you ’til you squirm even as I recognize my own propensity for the same which only makes me want to beat you all the harder.”

Like, which even is it? I have no idea, because I can embody either at the flip of a coin. I am a piece of shit at the consistent feminist thing. I really suck at it. I flounder through it like I do every other social position of note, because I am no good at really sitting and admitting for sure what I feel about my identity, or where it fits in to the broader set of women as a whole.

In fact, I was downright miffed by this video for “What’s the Use of Wondrin’,” my favorite Amanda Palmer song, featuring Annie Clark who was yesterday’s Music Moment artist. I love this song because it is a purely creepy cover that brings out the underlying horror of the message of submission in the original song from the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical Carousel! (emphasis theirs. not mine).

Amanda Palmer – What’s the Use of Wondrin’? feat. Annie Clark

Listen to the song without those images, and see how different it is. I hate this video because it makes a mockery of that position, of that hard-won submission. What the hell do you know about it, Amanda “Bossypants” Palmer? Just because being all riotous and shit comes to you naturally doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t find a sick pleasure in loving the wrong person, or even loving the right person in a really fucked up way. Is it so wrong to want to be totally taken care of, to for once in your life count on someone and allow them to set clear boundaries the transgression of which may occasionally result in punishment? (Oh, my god, I think I just heard Gloria Steinem’s jet start … yep, she is coming to get me…) But by the same token, I have to admit that I liked how weird and creepy the song was all along because I did recognize how ironically terrible its message was. So, I can’t have it both ways forever. Which is it going to be? We’ll see, I guess. “So when he wants your kisses,
you will give them to the lad,
and anywhere he leads you,
you will walk.
And anytime he needs you,
you’ll go running there like mad;
you’re his girl
and he’s your fella
and all the rest is talk.”

The Best and Worst Vegan Books

By PETA member Michael O’killallhumans

As any animal activist knows, there are a ton of books on animal rights, but it can be difficult to sort the gluten-free flax from the chaff.  Or something. First I’ll tell you about the best ones on the market: The ALF’s Guide To Blowing Up Animal Testing Labs By Jeffrey O’killallhumans My son Jeffrey (official policy writer for ALF) just published this great book last year.  This book will help any person who rightly feels guilty for being human and alive.  If you’ve ever wanted to know how to break into an animal testing lab, release all the animals, and blow up the lab, leaving no structure left standing, then this is the book for you.  I’d like to issue the following warning that I don’t think I saw in the book:  Before blowing up any animal testing lab, make sure all the humans are released, so that the media doesn’t get too mad.  It’s just good PR tactics.  It’s just something to consider anyway.  Certainly not mandatory or anything.
Fat Ladies: What They Are and How to Stop Them by Jeane Kirkpatrick I had no idea about this threat before reading this book. In fact, I had always been attracted to larger women as all the pressures of my society had led me to be.  I went along merrily eating steaks, sleeping with fat women, and sometimes eating pork chops, while sleeping with fat women. Then one day, a skinny friend of mine gave me this book and I realized the error of my ways. It turned out that fat women weren’t attractive and that we should in fact make them feel like crap about their weight, as every aspect of their physical form is their fault and says something about them as a person. In fact, if I hadn’t been informed by PETA about how hideous fat women were, I wouldn’t have converted to veganism at all!  Now to help spread veganism, I go up to fat ladies and tell them, “Excuse me, do you know that you are grotesque? By the way, go vegan!”
Aristotle Upside Down by Lisa McCoy Aristotle Upside Down is an amazing book that reveals how important plants and animals are and how very unimportant humans are.  Aristotle thought humans were the more advanced and morally best life forms, and plants were the least advanced and morally worst life forms.  But McCoy turns this picture upside down and rightly so.  She writes how humans are the only creatures to ponder about their own purpose in life and how this is a complete waste of time.  McCoy argues that if humans can make use of their time, their time should be spent purely worshipping gods and goddesses in the form of plants.  All technology and science should be quickly dispelled, even if this means most of the human world population starves.  It’s a small price to pay for evils we’ve done.   Lunchtime by Stephanie Meyer The latest in the ongoing Twilight saga, this book details the vampire protagonist’s conversion to a vegan.  After being bitten by Isa Chandra Moskowitz, Edward ceases to be a sparkly angel vampire and becomes a true monster. Pale and deadlike from his anemia and lack of vitamin B12, he stalks the night, drinking soy blood and ranting about factory farms to his mortal girlfriend.  The action really ramps up as the vampires, werewolves, and mermaids of the high school in question are challenged by the legendary Nosferatofu.  Edward is nearly bested, but after sprinkling some holy Braggs on the monster, they are safe again.  Having killed the Head Vegan, he was released from the spell but continued to be vegan because his body had stopped producing bloodtase, the enzyme needed to properly digest human blood.  The werewolves couldn’t give a fuck. The Joy of Vegan Sex (Which Is Way Better than Omnivore Sex) by Dr. Ursa Minor Most people fall short of being fully vegan when it comes to the bedroom. This book helps you find out which condoms are cruelty free, where to get faux leather masks and alternatives to incorporating animals into your sex life.  Every omnivore you meet will complain, “But goats are great lays!” That argument didn’t work with cheese so stuff it fella.  If you can’t get your rocks off with humans only, you’re doing it wrong.  I mean, you’ll be forgiven for throwing in a canary or two to spice things up now and again. Nobody’s perfect, but this book will help you get animals out of your sex life by 98% at least.
Bush’s War of Terror: The True Cost of the Iraq War as Measured by Donkey Deaths by Nom Chompy It’s startling how many donkeys were killed in the Iraq War.  The CIA World Fact Book estimated 150 donkeys have been killed.  I know donkeys weren’t the only animals killed but it’s a kind of indicator.  Anyway, this book points out the real problem with war.  War can actually harm animals and often does.  If humans could stop war or have it in an animal free zone, then I think all wars would be pretty neutral morally or even morally awesome.  This is a very good book for anyone who shares this point of view.   Humans Can Find Redemption by Depopulating by Helen Virulent This is a very good book.  Do you remember that part in the movie Independence Day when the President asked the alien if there could be any peace?  And the alien just said, “no peace….DIE!!!!” Well, I feel just like that alien and you will too after you read this book.  This book details a complete guide to how eco-terrorists can “reform” themselves by going to the university, getting  Ph.Ds, indoctrinating students with eco-mania, and then sending out these radical students with their radical agendas to go destroy businesses, especially the businesses that are producing wasteful technologies.  What are wasteful technologies?  You know, the kind of technologies that keep humans alive and prosperous.   One thing about this book that I was unclear about was the redemption part.  I couldn’t really find how we’d be redeemed in the book.  But honestly that part never really mattered to me.  In the words of that alien, “no peace….DIE!!!!!” Veganomicon by H.P. Lovecraft This one was very useful in helping me to summon the elder god, Krothnar–easily the most cruelty free of the elder gods.  With his help I was able to find an excellent egg substitute for an occult potluck I was having. Thanks to Lovecraft’s activism, none of my dinner guests left unsatisified with the meal. Several of them did however see into the gaping maw of madness and fell in, never to return. *shrugs* You win some, you lose some. Great book though.

Cthulhu: Not Vegan!

Not on to the worst of the lot. These two books have made a lot of sales, but are pushing bad information: Animal Liberation by Peter Singer This is nothing but garbage. Sure, he promotes treating animals kindly and is for the killing of babies but the problem I have is that he leaves the issue right there. What about toddlers or teenagers?  The fact is, if it isn’t an animal, we are obligated to kill it. Singer ignores this fact, tainting all his other arguments.  Peter Singer is a utilitarian and like most utilitarians, he wants us to kill 50 humans over a lion because the interests of the humans outweigh the lion’s.  I say, let the lion eat each human being individually over the course of 50 days.  Maybe it’s just the morality in me but I think the idea that animals and humans can live in harmony is just a pipe dream.  The only way to liberate animals is by destroying the prison,  the human race.  Singer’s book should be burnt and so should he.  

In the Garden of Vegan By Kramer and Baynard

Honestly, any animal activist worth their nutritional yeast will already be well-versed in the creation mythology of how vegans were put on the Earth and why our poo doesn’t smell.  God said “Let there be light” and saw that it was good. He said “Let it be organic, fair trade light” and saw that it was good. He then set up a thai restaurant inside the garden of Eden and derrived Adam from the soil and got Eve from the farmers market.  The problem with In the Garden of Vegan, is that it doesn’t mention any of this.  Kramer and Baynard are set to lose their vegan cards once the Council of Smugness reconvenes.

Hot Chicks, whips, and chains. Plus Device Bondage

Hot Chicks, whips, and chains. Plus Device Bondage

Go to Shackals and view some of the hottest sex device bondage on the web. You wont believe the things these ladies are doing. There’s even a little something extra for gay, lesbian, and tranny. For everyone else, hot chicks, big boobs, big butts, cum shots, bj’s, and lots of anal. Go to www.shackals.blogspot.com

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Kapital Kink over and done with

Well, Kapital Kink finally came and went.

I had fun setting up for the fetball.  I liked hanging around with the folks I was hanging around with, and I liked putting stuff up and being useful.  I liked working at the door during it because I got to talk with people and hang around.  I am not really one to go out alone into a full, loud room, and make friends. But with something to do and a reason to be standing around cahtting I am happy.   I found out that a fet ball is basically what I imagained it to be and of very little appeal in and of itself.  I am really not a fetishist.

All the workshops I went to were great.

Andrea Zannin’s Dance of D/s workshop was first.  I actually wasn’t intending on going to it, but then I did anyway.  I was glad I did because it didn’t involve the “hands on” that sounded intensely awkward in a group of mostly strangers.

Then there was a discussion about rope bottoming which was a bit interesting.  There was some discussion about consent and rules about obtaining consent.  Someone expressed the opinion that if a bottom doesn’t safeword, a top is absolved of responsibility for their actions, which made me want to scream for various different reasons. It made me feel good that other people challenged him about this, because actually I think that idea is flat out Wrong and Dangerous.  (And this I know from hard Experience which I will not relate here.)

This was followed by a presentation by Morpheous about using finer cords than usual, like yarn and thread, to tie up fingers and toes.  I liked the fingers the best, personally.  It was totally cute when he tied the fingers of his bottom (sub I think?) and then made her go get him a drink.  Maybe I will do it to myself and take a picture, but I will definitely have to get someone to help with the camera for that.

And at the end Sir Dart gave exactly the kind of workshop I wanted to go to about rope: it was about the interpersonal dynamics of tying someone up.  I have to say that out of everyone I met the whole weekend, Dart was the sexiest.  As part of his workshop, he tied my friend up, and I was so incredibly jealous the whole time.

And while all this was going on I got to meet some awesome folks and made some more friends in Ottawa, I think.  I hope to keep in touch with these folks once i get back from Toronto (if I ever get there…).

Good News Everyone!

Last night started in a most ominous fashion.  The tweaker, who I have been attempting to employ to bring my desk out of the driveway and into my apartment, above the garage, flaked again.  Making this day ten or twelve that my giant desk lingers in the driveway baiting the landlord (who lives in the front house) to come ask me about it.

Ieeee.

Then my friend Karl called me.  Karl has been a friend for some twenty years.  I know he is having an affair and I tried to advise to the best way to keep it on the down low.  But sadly Karl has gotten caught.  He was having a giddy moment of lust called love last night and when I couldn’t take it anymore I hung up and took my laptop, a bottle of two-buck chuck, and a plate of hummus, olives, cheese, and flatbread down into the driveway to work on a proper desk.

Grad school is a bitch.  I’m a walking cliché with my exhaustion, my boxes of unpacked madness making my apartment resemble a storage unit, and me in the driveway with a bottle of two dollar wine sitting at a full sized office desk at midnight – when the phone rang.

Apparently Mark saw my new ad on Eros.  It’s a real hoot.  Makes certain I won’t get too many calls.  Check it out – look in fetish fantasy in sd.

Mark talks me into coming to his room at the Hyatt.  He tells me he is black and smart.  I’m pretty easy really.  When I get there I discover that he smokes pot, that he is as horny as I am, that he is gorgeous, buff, dark, smart (as promised), that his mother was / is a librarian, that he lives on the east coast and that his real name is not mark.

After we toke up I tell him to strip.  Then he is kissing my back, something that I discover he is very good at. He is kissing me all over with his big lips, I’m melting.  Simply melting.

I haven’t had good sex in well over a year. Last week I got a practice run to see if it really is like riding a bicycle. It is! This Mark knows what he is doing. Oh yes, he does.

The kissing is rapidly followed by me sliding a magnum onto his dick that is big, not the biggest I have taken, but not disappointing.  I cannot wrap my had around it.  It is long and thick and I go to back onto it and he directs me to my back.  I would normally, in my ubber neurotic state, not let anyone get on top of me, but he is so mellow and strong and soft that I trust him.  For no real obvious reason I trust him.  So I get on my back and guide is cock into my dripping vagina.

I am immediately overcome by a huge dick in me.  Yes, it feels good but it hurts a little too. Mister curve was a lot smaller than this dude.  I wonder if I can take it.  I know I can.  I want to.  I am so turned on and so horny and he pushes his dick inside me.  I moan. It still hurts, but just a little and in a good way.  A real good way!

He pumps real slow at first, then faster then faster and deeper until I come and come and come.  I am moaning like I haven’t been laid in a year.

We keep fucking like this till I tell him I simply must flip over.  I stick my ass in the air, add some lube to my already well-lubricated pussy, and as he slides his dick into me he grabs my hips – I loose it.  I am one big orgasm.  I am coming and coming and screaming and he is shooshing me – like that will work.  I put my face in a pillow and scream and moan as he squeeze and pumps and slaps my ass and pulls my hair and I am, simply put, in heaven.

One thing that struck me while we were fucking like this was when he slapped my ass the first time there was no wiggle.  Nothing wiggly, just a hard ass that, while slappable and round did not wiggle like it has all the times that I have had sex with aggressive black men.  I was a little sad.  I wondered where I lost my ass.  I lost a lot of weight.  My ass is still back there but not all of it.  Not even most of it.  No wiggle.

But enough with the existential ass woes, I’m getting some!  Hurray for me!   This dude can fuck.  It seems like it goes on forever.  I’m in a trance.  Orgasm after orgasm washes over me.  I know nothing but the sex that I am.  I am moaning and screaming having the best time I have had in a long time.

We flip, fuck this way, that way, every way we can.  Then I have to pee.  I put him in the tub and I’m fucking him. Riding him, he is moaning, it is dark, he reminds me of a gorilla – but I don’t say that, it seems like it might take away from the mood, I’m bouncing up and down, then I pull his cock out of me and squat over it, I let a big stream of piss shoot all over his dick.  He is muttering something about how sexy it is, I keep pissing and pissing and pissing.  Then when I have no more piss I slide his dick back in me.  I ride him and we make a wet suction – slurp slurp slurp

When I’m done in the bathtub we head back to the bed.  I stick my ass in the air and he slips he dick in me.  I stand on my toes, which are wet with piss, we pump against one another and pump and pump.  I am screaming so loud that I shove my face in a pillow, again.  I’m having some fantastic orgasms.  I’m so fucking loud that no one on the 15th floor of the Hyatt is asleep.   No one.  I’m getting fucked like I need to be getting fucked.  I’m a riot of overwhelming sexy squirting fluids and noises.

We get back into the bed, fuck some more in ways that I am not certain of, I come, he comes, we collapse.  He suggests that I sped the night.  I say “I’m not much for slumber parties” and then I cuddle up to Mark.  His skin is soft and dark.  He tells me I can bite him as we discuss the positive aspects of vampirism.  I bite him and bite him and bite him. I opt to not break his skin as I don’t even know him.  I bite to the point just before skin breakage.  If you bite you know that spot, if not, imagine.

In our post-orgasmic, post cosmic fuck bliss we talk about politics, literacy rates, travel and food, and my ass.  We giggle.  I fall into his arms and pass out.  We cuddle for a few hours, have some more sex and spend the sun-filled part of the day eating food, smoking weed, getting him to the airport so he can head back east.  I watch enviously as he heads into the airport to travel to the better part of the country.

Hopefully I will see Mark again.  If not, it was a swell time.  I’m glad that I opted for the slumber party, got my fuck on, and for the first time in a long time – relaxed!

Thanks Mark