The Spanking Ad...

I read and reread His ad.  For some reason, the thought of enduring a bare-assed, over-the-knee spanking turned me on like nothing else.  I decided to respond to His ad, I wanted to begin a dialog and see where this would go.  I wanted to know more…my pussy was so freaking hot and wet…

All I could envision was going to a random office somewhere in one of those little office parks.  It was a rainy day or like today, cold, wet and snowing…there was little to no traffic around.  I pull into the parking lot and park in front of His office door.  I took a deep breath and another quick look in the mirror to make sure everything was as it should look.

I hurried to the door of the office and opened the door.  He had no receptionist, He was a one-man operation.  I could hear Him in the other room, His inner, main office.

“Is that you Victoria?”  He asked from the distance.

“Yes, yes, it is Victoria,” I replied.  I took off my coat and put it on the reception chair nearest his main office door.  He came to the inner office door and stood there.

“Come on in, my dear.  It’s time for your session,” He told me.  I left the coat on the chair and entered the inner office.  He went and locked the door to the outside…locking me in.  I was so sexually charged, so turned on…I could hardly stand there and wait on Him to return.  I set my purse on one of the chairs in front of His massive oak desk.  I stood there and waited for Him to join me.  He came in and shut the inner office door behind Him.  He touched my arm as He turned the other chair in front of His desk around to face me where I was standing.

“Stand right here, Victoria,” He instructed me.  I turned more to face Him.  “I see you’re wearing a nice dress as I requested.  What about underneath the dress?  Are you wearing the panties and thigh high hose I instructed you to wear?”

“Yes, Sir, I am,” I replied.  He reached out and touched my arm, pulling me to Him.  His fingers lingered at the hem of my dress.

“You know I’m going to check to see if you’re wearing specifically what I asked you to wear?” He half-asked, half told me.

“Yes, Sir, I know you will check to see if I did as I was told,” I replied.  The fingers on His left hand lifted the hem of my dress exposing what was underneath.  He studied the panties I had on…as well as the thigh highs.  I could feel the wetness between my legs growing.  I knew the crotch of my panties had to be soaked by now…I ached to have Him touch me, touch my pussy.

“Well, you got the thigh highs right, but these aren’t the panties I specifically instructed you to wear.  What explanation do you have for me?” He insisted.  I felt my face grow hot.  I couldn’t have put on the wrong panties.  He specifically told me He wanted me to wear the black, lace, silk, French cut panties…that’s what I had on.

“I don’t understand, Sir.  You told me to wear the Black, lace, French…”

“No, I told you to wear the red ones.  I gave you three pairs of panties exactly alike when we met for lunch and I told you that I would let you know what pair I wanted you to wear today.  I specifically told you to wear the RED panties today,” He said with a very stern, almost fierce tone to His voice.

“Yes, Sir,” I said and started to tremble.  What in the world?  I wasn’t scared of this Man, I knew He had told me to wear the black panties, but now He had changed His mind and I was supposed to be wearing the red panties.  Good grief, was there no pleasing this Man?

“You must suffer the punishment, dear Victoria, for not following my instructions explicitly.  You realize you must make good on your transgression?” He asked.

“Yes, Sir,” I replied.

“Hold your dress up so I can take your panties off of you,” He instructed me.  I took the hem of my dress, holding it up so He had full access to pulling my panties down.

He took his time and placing His fingers in the elastic waist band of my black panties, He very slowly began to pull the panties down.  I sucked in a breath; I was so fucking turned-on I was about to orgasm right there standing before Him, on Him.  I could feel His warm breath on my bare abdomen…how could He not smell my sex?  I was so wet, so hot…I wanted Him to run His fingers between my legs…I wanted Him to touch my womanly delights…I wanted Him to fuck me, fuck me anyway He wanted and could…

I felt myself trembling…I couldn’t control my trembling…I was so turned on, I felt as though I were having an out-of-body experience.

He pulled my panties down to my knees and then down to my ankles…

“Step out of the panties, Victoria,” He told me.  I obeyed.  There I was standing before Him in His office…I was holding my dress up to expose my now bare pussy and ass…my thigh highs exposed, still wearing my high-heeled shoes…I don’t know when I’ve felt so exposed and turned on.

“Come here, Victoria,” He instructed.  He placed the panties on His desk and was now sitting with his knees together…He pulled me to the side of His legs…

“Bend over, Victoria, bend over my lap,” He said.  I began to bend over his lap while his hands moved to place me right where He wanted me.  “That’s a girl, yes, lay with your full weight across My legs.”  I did as I was told.  I could feel my womanly juices running down the insides of my thighs…I wanted Him to touch my pussy, touch me, make me cum…

He placed His left hand on my shoulder blades as though to hold me down and then I felt His right hand resting just on the middle of my ass cheeks.  And then before I knew it what was happening, He spanked my bare ass cheeks with a firm hand…the sound was deafening but thoroughly electric.  The pain was instant but it hurt so good…another smack of His hand…I couldn’t help but flinch and jump…first one ass cheek then the other received one firm spank after another…I was wiggling and squirming as He administered each spank…I felt the tears fill my eyes…I felt my pussy throbbing with excitement, with the agony of needing a sexual release…

“Let it all out, Victoria, let go,” He told me with a softer tone to His voice…I was so close to orgasm I could taste it…I felt His hard cock pressing into my belly…surely He wanted me as much as I wanted Him right this very minute…right?

Another spank on first one ass cheek and then the other…my ass was on fire…my pussy was on fire…I was in pure spanking heaven…or is that spanking hell?

“Do you understand why you’re being spanked, Victoria?” He asked quietly as He continued to paddle my bare behind with His hand.

“Yes, Sir,” I replied.

“Do you want a release, Victoria?” He asked.

“Yessss, yes, Sir,” I managed to mumble.

“What my dear?  I don’t believe I heard you?” He asked a little more stern.  Another spank on my bare bottom…

“Yes, Sir, I want a release,” I replied where He could hear me.

“Good, girl,” He said and I felt His hand slip between my legs.  I felt His fingers inserting into my hot, swollen, wet pussy…He began to finger fuck me, my ass cheeks on fire from my bare-assed spanking…I was in heaven, fuck my pussy, yes fuck my pussy…

“That’s a girl, give it to Me, give me that orgasm,” He said in a wicked voice.  It didn’t take me long to beg…

“Please, Sir, May I cum?” I asked as I tried to hold off cumming on His fingers…

“Yes, you may, Victoria,” He told me as He fucked my pussy with His fingers…it felt like He had His whole hand in my pussy…He had more than one finger in there…I didn’t care, I wanted His whole hand in my pussy, making me cum…and cum I did…He flicked a finger across my swollen clit while fucking me with three of His other fingers…I started cumming and the juices flowing all over His hand…

I was moaning and groaning, wiggling and squirming on His lap…wave after wave of my orgasm washing over me as He held me firmly on His lap.  My bare ass dancing around until I finally had given all I had to give.

I don’t know how long I lay across His lap…I finally gathered my wits enough to ask permission to get up.

“Permission granted Victoria,” He told me as He helped me up off of His lap.  His hand was covered in my pussy juices.  He sat there with a wicked smile on His face.

“Now, Victoria, lick my fingers clean,” He instructed me. “Get down on your knees before me and lick My hand and fingers.”  I did as I was told.  I took His hand in my mine and began to lick my pussy juices from His fingers.  He reached around with His other hand and pulled my dress up again to reveal my bare ass.  I could feel the heat still lingering there from my spanking.  I loved the taste of my juices on His fingers.  I wanted to please Him as He had pleasured me…

He then pushed me back and pulled my chin up to look at Him.

“Now, Victoria, I want you to suck my cock.  I want you to make love to My cock with your mouth.  Can you do that?” He asked.  I was ecstatic, I wanted to see His cock, I wanted to suck His cock…I wanted to take His load of cum in my mouth and swallow every drop!  He had never bared Himself to me before, this was an ultimate treat.  I sat back on my heels and waited for Him to stand up and unzip.  I was so thirsty for His jism…I could feel my own excitement growing again…

He unzipped and then dropped His trousers and then ever so slowly lowered His boxers to reveal a raging hard-on.  He let His trousers and boxers fall to the floor and then He sat back down in his chair.  He positioned himself where His ass cheeks were on the edge of the chair allowing His hard cock an optimal angle.

“Now, suck me, Victoria, suck my cock,” He instructed.  I took to my task immediately…I took His hard shaft in my hand and began to lick up and down the shaft, licking around the rim…taking the whole head of His cock into my mouth…He had a nice sized cock…though it seemed to be swelling with each flick of my tongue.  I wanted to please Him; I wanted to show Him I was good cock-sucker.

I could feel my pussy growing hot again, I sucked the best I could, I made love to His cock…I wanted to taste Him, I wanted His load of cum in my mouth, I wanted to taste Him…

His hips started moving ever so slightly and then His hips started thrusting forward into my hot, little mouth.

“You have a wicked mouth, Victoria, suck My cock, bring My boiling load of cum up from My balls,” He hissed at me as I continued sucking His cock like there was no tomorrow.  I held His cock with one hand while I dipped my fingers into my hot, wet pussy, covering my fingers with my juices…having lubed up my fingers, I then found His ass crack just over the edge of the chair, while holding onto His cock with my hungry mouth, I began to feel into His crack to find His ass hole…it didn’t take me long to work first one finger and then the other into His ass crack and then into His ass hole…I then began to suck even harder on His cock while I inserted my finger into His ass hole moving my finger to massage His prostate…I had no sooner found the magic spot when He grabbed my head and heal me down on His hardness…I felt His legs tense and then the hot splash of His jism filling my mouth and throat.

I sucked Him every drop out of Him…I removed my finger and sat back as He sat back in the chair trying to regain some composure.  I stood up and went over to the sink at the far end of the office and washed my hands.  Then I picked up my purse and headed to the door.  I never said a word, I unlocked the door and let myself out.  I left Him there, completely spent in the chair…

[Via http://thematuresexgoddess.wordpress.com]

Faithful Obedience

I fall more in love with Madam P every day.  As Madam and I settle into our life of consensual slavery, my inner Universe continues to expand in ways I could never have dreamed possible.  I find myself more and more focused on Madam.  I’m having some difficulty putting into words exactly what it is that I’m experiencing.  This feels like a rush of… bliss or of peace.  A quiet takes over me when I think of Madam.  I feel my consciousness reach out into the world when we’re apart, feeling for her presence, her movements somewhere out there.  I feel connected to Madam at all times, as if by an invisible unbreakable cord of pure love.

Yesterday when I got home from work, I had barely walked in the door and hung my coat in the closet when Madam called me into her office.  There was Madam sitting at her desk, absent mindedly playing a computer video game.  She pointed to the floor beside her and said, “I want you to sit here beside me.”  I didn’t ask why.  I didn’t whine that I just walked in from work and want to do this or that.  I didn’t drag my feet or heave a sigh.  With a glad heart I said, “Yes Madam” and I took my place on the floor at Madam’s feet.  As I sat there listening to the music coming from Madam’s computer game, with my head resting on Madam’s lap, I allowed every single fragment of my awareness to focus on Madam.  I let my entire being go; I held nothing in reserve.  I thought no thoughts.  I desired nothing except one single thing: to be pleasing to Madam.  In that pure moment frozen in time, everything inside of me became pure bliss, flowing through me into Madam.

That moment, sitting on the floor at Madam’s feet listening to her play a video game, is the pure essence of what it is that I get out of being Madam’s consensual slave.  Everything it is that we do comes down to one pure experience for me: the experience of being obedient.  I’m discovering that nothing charges my battery like the experience of being obedient to Madam’s every request.  Being obedient fills me with joy, bliss and peace.  Obedience turns me on, gets me white hot with sexual desire and keeps me there without end.  Every bit of slave training from this point forward, I now understand, is really just obedience training.  (That is to say, that’s what it’s about for me; I can’t speak for Madam’s experience.)

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a total pervert.  I still like a good beating and endorphin rush; I’m still a total humiliation whore.  I still love sensory deprivation and being tied up for hours at a time.  But nothing feeds my soul or reaches the core of who I am like an opportunity to demonstrate my obedience to Madam.

Now here’s a confession, something that I feel bad about.  Last night Madam P gave me a HUGE opportunity to demonstrate my absolute obedience and I totally disobeyed her.  Here’s what happened.  First let me just say that I don’t like bugs.  Okay, I tend to be kind of terrified of bugs.  So, there was this creepy beetle thing on the ceiling.  Madam courageously climbed onto a chair as I stood behind her to make sure she didn’t fall, and she tried to grab the beetle with a tissue.  Well, the beetle broke free and jumped for it.  Before the bug had a chance to run away across the floor, I stomped the life out of the bastard.  Madam then picked up the beetle with the tissue she still held in her hand and she told me to eat the beetle.  (Did I mention that I’m vegetarian and have been for nearly 24 years?)  What I absolutely, positively should have done is to tip my head back and open my mouth and wait for Madam to decide what she was going to do.  I should have trusted and obeyed.  Instead I stood there staring at Madam, not sure whether to believe the seriousness of her request (Madam is also vegetarian), while in my mind I weighed the gravity of simply refusing and accepting whatever punishment Madam deemed just.  Madam P totally let me off the hook, laughed and took the bug to the trash.  I was a little upset and shaken, not so much because Madam told me to eat the bug, but because I realized that I’m not trained nearly well enough to trust and obey when told to do something I really, really don’t want to do (like eat a bug.)  I feel bad about that.

I look forward to the day that Madam has me trained so well that I completely surrender when she tells me to do something that I really, really DO NOT WANT TO DO, whether she actually intends for me to follow through our not.  I desire to be so well trained that I just open my mouth and close my eyes and wait for Madam to decide how serious she is in such a circumstance.  I’m sorry I failed you last night, Madam P.

Missy

[Via http://born2serve.wordpress.com]

The submissive speaks: The semiotics of visuality in virtual BDSM fantasy play.

The paper explores the mutually-constituted relations between avatars, space, and artifacts depicted in players’ profile portraits in a Second Life BDSM community. The significance of these images is not simply their representation of the lifestyle; they also convey the entertainment and interactive significance of virtual BDSM fantasy play. Through 3D game technology and photographic conventions, participants of BDSM community collectively construct a grammar and symbolism of power and submission through institutional structures (BDSM communities and lifestyle practices), enforced roles (dominance and submission, master/mistress and slave), and virtual photographic technologies (in-game instant snapshots). In the process, the spectator consciously and unconsciously participates in the power dynamics that these portraits depict.

Bardzell, S. (2006). The submissive speaks: The semiotics of visuality in virtual BDSM fantasy play. Proceedings of the 2006 ACM SIGGRAPH symposium on Videogames, p.99-102, 30-31 July 2006, Boston, United States of America.

link abstract

[Via http://bdsmstudies.wordpress.com]

I'm Back!!!

After 2 long weeks without internet, I’m back.  I tried posting by cell phone (gee, what fun!! lol), but that was a pain so sorry everyone that the blog has not had much new added.  Things have been fairly mellow and uneventful around here lately.  Relations have been improving between Steve & I after a long estrangement.  Heidi and I are doing well also.  *grin* I need a good ass kicking soon…

[Via http://cuckqueanslavery.wordpress.com]

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM BOUNDNSEXY

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO EVERYONE. 2009 IN RETROSPECT HAS BEEN AN INTERESTING YEAR FOR EVERYONE, HRE AT BOUNDNSEXY

WE ARE PROUD OF THE FILMS WE HAVE DONE THIS YEAR WHICH HAVE TAKEN BONDAGE AND DAMSELS IN DISTRESS REALM INTO A NEW DIMENSION WITH

9 MUSES, THE PRIZE, DOCS, CINDERELLA IN BONDAGE LAND, PI 3:14, AND NOW WE LEAVE YOU ALL WITH NAUGHTY OR BOUND OUR LAST FILM RELEASE FOR 2009, AS WE WE WILL SEE EVERYONE IN 2010.

HAPPY NEW YEAR AND MAY EVERYONE HAVE HEALTH SUCCESS AND PROSPERITY IN 2010.

BNS TEAM

[Via http://bnsproductions.wordpress.com]

musings on mentorship

Someone sent me the following question not long ago, and I asked for and received permission to post the question and my answer here…

***

Hi Andrea, can i pick your brain? In the context of the queer leather community, what do you see as the role of a mentor? Is it primarily seen as someone who just offers guidance and advice and shares experiences, as in a vanilla context? Or is it considered more than that, i.e. someone in training whom a mentor would play with, and perhaps even have a sexual relationship with? i’m sure there’s layers to this question that could be discussed over several beers, but generally speaking, would you mind giving me your perspective?

***

This question pops up on discussion lists periodically, and the usual point of conflict that arises is over the question of having a sexual relationship between mentor and mentee or protégé. The very fact that conflict comes up over the question is a clear indication that no universal agreement exists on that point, so I’m not going to pretend to have The Answer. But a perspective, yes.

My own mentorship experiences have been relatively one-way. I’ve been privileged enough to have the friendship and benefit from the occasional advice of a few very well-respected kinksters far more experienced than I, whose opinions I value and solicit, and for that I am very grateful. But I’ve never entered into a relationship characterized by regular exchanges of that nature, and my path in leather has been one I’ve forged for myself based on a wide array of sources of learning and experience – books, workshops, D/s relationships, my own fuck-ups, plain old observation and much more. On the other hand, I am actively engaged in one relationship that began as a somewhat advice / listening-oriented friendship and that was soon thereafter explicit coded as a mentorship (and still operates that way in many aspects), and several other relationships in my world have aspects of mentorship in them.

Right there, that’s a first piece of how I understand mentorship. It’s sometimes explicit and negotiated and the only thing going on, and at other times it’s one element of a larger relationship. Which might in part explain why the sex question gets complicated. In my experience, and from what I’ve seen, mentorship is often one element of a larger relationship, and fairly rarely an explicitly negotiated dynamic that exists without operating in tandem with some other type of connection. I don’t think that either form is “better” than the other, but I do think they come with particular challenges. For the sake of clarity, I’ll refer to the first as “pure” mentorship and the second as “combined” mentorship.

But first: the role of a mentor. I do think that a mentor, classically speaking, is someone who offers guidance and advice and who shares experiences, much like in a vanilla context. This might involve really direct teaching, but I think what differentiates teaching from mentorship is that mentorship implies an ongoing relationship in which the mentor is understood to be available for advice and guidance beyond the simple teaching of skills; skill teaching might not even be part of the deal at all.

The SOY (Supporting Our Youth) mentoring program for LGBTTQ youth in Toronto defines mentors as “‘big brothers and sisters’ who can help you explore questions about identity, sexuality and community. Mentors provide support, encouragement and a non-judgemental listening ear to talk about anything and everything going on in your life… family, school, friends relationships, etc.” I think the idea of a “big brother or sister,” as in, someone older or more experienced, who provide support, encouragement and non-judgmental listening is a pretty simple and accurate way to conceptualize mentorship in leather too.

1) “Pure” mentorship

When a mentorship is operating on a one-note model, or something fairly similar (for example, mentorship combined with casual friendship) it can be discussed in terms of goals and commitments. What does the protégé want out of the deal? What does the mentor have to offer? What does the mentor want to get out of the deal? What does the protégé have to offer? What parameters feel good to both of them? How will they know whether it’s working, and what mechanisms will they employ to ensure that it stays on track and that things get fixed if they go awry? Why do they think they’re a good match, and how will they know if that changes?

(The question of match is crucial – which is why I’m not totally convinced that any outside matching process is going to work reliably, although I’ve heard of leather communities where such processes exist. Like a therapist or a partner or any other kind of intimate relationship, shared interests alone are not enough to create the kind of bond in which the truly intimate work can happen. That’s about chemistry, which is hard to predict with any certainty, and about shared values, which are hard to determine if the person doing the matching doesn’t know one or both parties very well. I think assigned or matched mentorship works best when it’s done for a specific purpose and for a limited time, such as a three-month period of probation-type mentorship for new members of a leather club.)

I think that, generally speaking, the power dynamics in this kind of relationship are most cleanly managed if the mentor and protégé do not have a sexual or play relationship. I’m not laying down a hard and fast rule here; we do, after all, operate in a sexual community, and it’s really not much of a stretch to think that sexual attraction or BDSM chemistry might arise between people who are getting to know each other on potentially emotionally intimate terms. That shouldn’t in itself be cause for panic. But if both parties still agree that the relationship is purely a mentorship – and that is an “if” well worth discussing if other feelings come up – then they probably shouldn’t muddy the waters by engaging in activities that would bespeak a very different sort of relationship.

Why? Because sex and play are often powerful experiences of connection, and, like it or not, they create a really different sort of bond than one of advice-giving and disinterested listening – by which I do not mean “uninterested,” as in bored, but rather “disinterested,” as in the mentor is not directly personally invested in the outcome of a given situation. If the mentor and protégé form an attachment that creates direct personal investment in outcome on the mentor’s part, then the advice given is no longer impartial or general. It would be like asking for impartial career advice from someone who stands to personally benefit if you make a lot of money. They’ll have a harder time advising you to follow your dreams if those dreams might take you into a career as a starving artist – so they’re more likely to subtly or overtly push you toward that law degree.

In other words, if you’re in a power dynamic that’s coded as unequal, as in that the protégé does not yet know how best to proceed and is relying on the mentor’s advice and opinion to help them make decisions, the risks that the mentor might misuse their power (even in fairly mild ways) are much higher. I’m sure that sex and play within mentorship can be done well, but that would require a rigorously ethical mentor who’s extremely good at separating their personal interest from their advice, and/or a very self-aware and perceptive protégé with great self-protection skills and good boundaries, and/or a mentorship situation that’s restricted to very specific areas within which the protégé isn’t particularly vulnerable and/or that do not incite the mentor’s vested personal interest. Otherwise, the whole “non-judgmental” part of the “non-judgmental listening ear” is out the window.

I feel I should also mention here that many people assume mentorship is always provided by a dominant and protégés are always submissives. That’s a load of horseshit. First of all, that little paradigm takes no account of switches. Beyond that, some of the best mentorship situations are set up between dominants or between submissives, because who better to help you along your path than someone who’s doing a similar thing but who happens to have a few years’ experience on you? A dominant might well be able to mentor a submissive, or vice versa, but at some point they’ll end up saying “well, submissives tell me that…” or “as a dominant, I’ve never experienced this, but….” This may or may not be a problem. I’m just saying is that classic power pairings are not always the surest bet when it comes to effective mentorship.

2) “Combined” mentorship

When mentorship happens as part of a larger relationship context, it’s of course a bit more complicated. Like any other relationship, it’s a question of how power imbalance is managed. I’d break this down into two possibilities.

2 a) A mentorship situation can arise out of a love relationship, play relationship or friendship.

This tends to happen when two people get together for the purpose of pursuing some sort of relationship, and one of them is more experienced than the other in a given area relevant to leather, and they realize that a certain amount of mentoring is going on. In this case, it’s a really good idea to talk about what’s happening. Will the power imbalance of mentorship mess up the pre-existing relationship, or can the two co-exist in harmony? If it’ll mess things up, can the need for mentorship be met elsewhere so as not to create a weird resistance to the flow of things in the relationship? If they feel it can be harmonious, how will they manage that in the context of the existing relationship?

In the case of D/s and M/s relationships, especially though by no means exclusively those that operate on a parent/child sort of model (daddy/boy etc.), it’s my belief that mentorship is often intrinsically bound up in the power dynamic, and that’s part of the reason it works. In some contexts and communities, that sort of model is expressly understood to be a form of eroticized mentorship in which the boy (let’s say) will eventually become a daddy or master in their own right when their own daddy or master decides they’re all grown up and ready for the job. And in lots of M/s relationships, there’s an express and fully agreed-upon intent that the submissive or slave will be shaped into someone who reflects the dominant or master’s values, not just in the sense of learning how to please the master through service or submission, but also in the sense of growth in leather – human dynamics, ethics, approaches to the scene, community-building, spirituality, etc.

Both of these things, to me, smell a whole lot like mentorship, just operating in a different space. I don’t see how we benefit by pretending that’s not happening and defining “mentorship” so tightly that we can’t include relationship-born mentorship as part of the picture. Lots of the same questions arise and lots of the same techniques and approaches can be adopted. Of course, as much as in a “pure” mentorship situation, it behooves the people in question to discuss such things as motivations, parameters and approaches very clearly so that they all agree on what exactly is going on. It also helps if the people can cleanly point out where their “other” relationship might in fact impede the protégé’s growth, and figure out ways to work around that, or agree that it’s worth the sacrifice. For example, if a submissive/protégé figures out she’s actually a switch and really wants to explore her dominant side, but her dominant/mentor holds the exclusive rights to her behaviour in power contexts and is not willing or able to switch, the dominant/mentor will not be able to effectively encourage her growth in this area unless something about their agreement shifts – even if this same dominant/mentor might be quite capable of mentoring someone else in the same area if they weren’t involved.

Of course that’s not always how things happen in either parent/(adult) child or other D/s or M/s relationships. For example, a submissive (boy, slave, etc.) might be older or more experienced than a dominant; in such cases, mentoring might not happen at all, or it might actually operate in the reverse balance of the power dynamic. Or an M/s or D/s pairing might come up between people who are not in need of, or interested in offering, mentorship, especially if both are already very experienced; for them, it might be just about shaping the submissive for the purpose of suiting the dominant’s preferences but without any larger goal of growth in leather.

For me, I have done a lot of mentorship within the context of other types of relationship – within a past platonic D/s relationship (where mentorship still plays a part in the non-D/s equation today), and within my relationships with both of my bois. That has included a range of approaches – long conversations, encouraging them to play with and even have relationships with others to broaden their experience, directed reading assignments, workshops, lots of listening, think projects, my support and encouragement of their engagement in leather-related personal projects that aren’t related to our relationship, social events and grilling them about their observations of social dynamics after such events, and much more. It’s a really enriching process for all of us. But then again, I have a bit of a fetish for personal growth; not all dominants take quite the same degree of enjoyment out of such a process.

2 b) A mentorship situation can turn into a love relationship, play relationship or friendship.

This, too, can be done well. In my case, I’ve held pretty firm boundaries about not engaging in play or sex with protégés, but I certainly have developed at least one rich and wonderful friendship that started from a place of mentorship. I don’t think that’s a bad thing; as long as communication is clear and motivations are clean, I can’t imagine why this would be a negative development. As for mentorship turning into a love or play relationship – again, as long as everyone’s interests are laid out for discussion, I see no reason why this is a problem.

In my opinion, problems are way more likely to arise when people try to deny the existence of a new development rather than by its simple existence. Power is most dangerous when it’s kept under wraps, denied, ignored, because then it does what it wants to do, acting in its own best interests without the benefit of supervision. If you simply lay it all out, then real decisions can be made. An ethical mentor will tell their protégé if their feelings change, because that necessarily changes the parameters of the original agreement; an ethical protégé will do the same, because a mentor can hardly steward their power well if they aren’t aware of its reach and repercussions. Honesty is the best policy all round.

Of course there’s potential for misuse of power within any of these contexts. People can be unethical in any arrangement, and in our society we have paltry resources for learning about, understanding and managing power dynamics of any kind, let alone in alternative sexual communities where we’re still understood by the larger society to be crazy, dangerous or sick. So mentorship is no guarantee that things will go well. But in its ideal form, mentorship can be a wonderful resource for people who are new to the leather community or new to a particular type of experience therein, and a rewarding experience for older or more experienced kinksters who want to see the next generation set on a healthy and joyful path.

[Via http://sexgeek.wordpress.com]

FanFic Recommendations...

I am a self professed slash addict, but lately i confess to having gone back to the dark side… het! So here are a few fic recs for both slash and het lovers out there.

What Might Have Been by KeiraMarcos(WIP.)

Rating: NC-17

AU verse in which Rodney never went to Atlantis and the expedition failed within the first two years and they returned to Earth with only half their original numbers.

This is a truly compelling series and if you are a McShep fan it can’t be missed.

Ties That Bind(WIP)… well, basically anything by KeiraMarcos really.

Rating: NC-17

This is a AU McShep verse that is BDSM centric. This series is based and then amazingly expanded on the Coming Home series by Xanthe. I am truly enthralled by this world and in my humble opinion is for me even more captivating than the Coming Home series.

Keira’s ability to weave stories is a true gift and she easily pulls you in and holds you ’til the very end and leaves you begging for more!

Quicksand by Ladydreamer and Herohunter(Completed.)

Rating: Mosty PG, but has a few smutty scenes that rate a NC-17

One cold November evening, twelve years after Lex Luthor left Smallville and Clark Kent behind, the two meet in Centennial Park… as Lex is walking home with his daughter. This is an mPreg fic.

I am a fan of Herohunter so it was a giddy feeling that swept over me when i ran across a rec for this fic. Let me just say i couldn’t walk away from it. I usually either love Clex fics or hate them (the love comes in when Lex is redeemable, but anyways…) and this story held me from the very beginning.

Of Love and Friendship by sarcastic_fina (WIP)

Rating: NC-17

This is a  Oliver/Chloe fic set in an AU world where Chloe grew up in Star City.

It is sweet and fluffy and bubblegumlicious(?) and so good.

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