Looking Back in Order to Look Forward By Steve

The past week around our happy home has been something like some of the more surreal scenes in “Apocalypse Now”. Most people would consider this to be a bad thing. I on the other hand, consider this part of the natural purging of the gray matter for the three of us that has to occur from time to time. Believe it or not, it may be the only sort thing that keeps me and my girls out of jail or the state nuthouse.

With these strange periods of introspection (and sometimes flat-out violence) it became clear that some things within and without our dynamic were in need of changes. So where and how do you find new inspiration for a trio of deviants who need their brains and groins tuned up?

Jenn, the pop culture junkie had been getting wet in the panties for some time over the Tiger Woods sex scandal. She is just loves it when a celebrity gets caught cheating.  And fuck, Tiger almost has my kinda numbers. Almost.

Anyway, the exquisite agony of  Elin had set in motion the gears of  scheming and nerve stripping that are the lovely natural talent of my twin. Besides,  Heidi like myself, bores easily and delights in new ways to explore the dark edges of  the human mind.

Now to announce the new game! First, let me point out though- I firmly believe the reason our lifestyle has survived (knock on my skull)– is careful planning.  Each cucking and aftermath needs to have a point.  A sharp one. If you bang someone just to show you can or because you are test driving new models looking for a trade-in…Well, you’re an asshole.

New game one: Jenn no longer will have any knowledge of my relationships outside of the house and will not be given any say in the matter. Only suspicion, paranoia and perhaps a picture shown to her by Heidi during a scene could give her introduction to a new playmate. That, or maybe the taste of another woman on my cock when she goes down on me. (I’m never careless, the game is supposed to hurt.)

As for the women.  A select list of names has been assembled by Heidi and I out of our slave’s weakest moment’s. These are women from the past ten year’s of life. People that have we have worked with, been friends with, people from online and off. These are to be indefinite affairs, not one time hook-ups. These are to be the women she fears, respects, trusts, and/or hates…. then finds they messing with me behind her back. This is betrayal and pain by design.

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The Week and Weekend

Here is a short post.

Had a good weekend. Had to move and into a better place for my family and myself. Got rid of the loser I was with and have moved on. 

Had a great time with several of my clients over the weekend and I love happy subs/clients. Knowing that they are feeling spent and rubber legged due to their session with me is good.

I am sure in time more of you will know of my reputation and session experiences.

Have a great week everyone.

Domme hugz,

Mz. Candy

[Via http://essenceofcandy.wordpress.com]

The Intendeds

So I have a kick-ass therapist.  I know for sure we are doing the whole therapy thing right because I totally have that transference thing going on with her.  Yeah, yeah, I know she’s human, but don’t remind me.  Clearly she has some extrasensory ability to peer into my soul and understand precisely what is going on in there even when I don’t.  She gives me just the right amount of tough love exactly when I need it.  And we always seem to end up discussing the things I needed to discuss during any given session.  No, I don’t think she walks on water, but I’m pretty sure I’ve seen her hover just a bit.

Anyway, during my most recent therapy session, we discussed my little baby blog here; what I want from it, what I hope for it, what it gives me.  (Wow, I must be a writer if I’m starting to refer to my work as my “baby”.)  Overworked metaphor aside, it is a lot like the parenting process.  Its been painful in some ways getting it off the ground, and there are days when its down right intimidating and overwhelming.  I overanazlyze what I want to say way before my fingers hit the keyboard, and I constantly worry about how my chosen words will affect it’s growth.  I want to find just the right balance of being true to myself while still providing what it needs to grow organically on it’s own.

One of the questions I keep coming back to is exactly WHO my intended audience is…  Who the hell is gonna read this thing anyway?  I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I started a blog because I wanted a readership.  A following.  A group of readers out there somewhere with whom I could have actual intellectual discourse about the issues that really touch my life.  To that end, I am aiming for brutal honesty.  After all, what do I have to hide from you, my invisible intendeds?  You don’t know me.  I don’t have to impress you.  You can judge me all you want and frankly I won’t give a flying fuck.  So I might as well put it all out there, right?

There’s a lot to put out.  As I already said, my posts are likely to range anywhere from the frustrations of attachment parenting and raising a spirited child, to therapy and recovering from PTSD and ritual abuse, to explicit talk about sexuality, BDSM, and sadomasochism.  I’m a verbal/written processor – the more I can hear and see my thoughts, the better I understand myself, my issues, the world.  And the more I can bounce ideas off of other people, the better it works.

Enter one small problem:  I don’t exist in a vacuum.  Other people touch my life.  My daughter, my lovers, my wife, my friends.  And believe me, I have something to say about each and every one of them.  My loves know I am writing a blog, and they’ve also been warned that honesty is the rule, and it is on them to decide if they really want to view what I write.  Boundary set.  But what about acquaintances?  Friends of friends?  The random co-worker from one of my loves jobs that stumbles upon my blog in a Google search?   Where is the line between letting it all hang out there, and protecting the privacy and feelings of those in my life?

I don’t have easy answers for this one.  I suspect I will err on the side of risk and try to do very little self-editing, but it will never gone from the back of my mind.  I’m blogging in order to reach out and find others who can relate.  To set an example that people like me can indeed be open with and unashamed of their lives.  Self-censorship will just make that bridge harder to cross.

So here’s to you my intendeds.  I’m willing to risk a lot to reach out to you; here’s hoping you reach back someday.

[Via http://azizaafire.wordpress.com]

Omg, I made it! ^^

One of the goals on my day zero project list was to not go online for one whole weekend.  Seriously, you guys – it was MUCH harder than I thought it would be.  I made it though!  I found other ways to fill the internet void though, and I wound up getting a lot done on my day zero list. ^^ 

One of the things I checked off this morning when I logged into my day zero project list was “stop biting my nails”.  It has been about three weeks now since I’ve bitten my nails.  They’re still really short, I’ve been clipping them with nail clippers, but Master doesn’t care how long they are as long as they are not in my mouth.  Woot.  Good to get another thing checked off.

Ooh, and we bought a mini trampoline.  I’ve been wanting one for years.  I’ve been *dying*  for a giant lawn-sized trampoline, but alas, we have no place to put it.  Master promised me that someday when we get a house we’ll get one.  In the meantime, for the last few years *EVERY* time we go by one in the store, I mew and give Master the sad eyes.   This past sunday we decided that I could get one, so long as I put the money back in the bank account when I get paid next week.  Go figure, we get to the store, and it’s the first time we go that they are out of stock!  When we got home though, Master ordered online for me, so hopefully it’ll get here soon.  Bouncin’ is what kitties do best.  lol.

My Master is sillier than yours!  *Laughs*  Ok, the other day I was cleaning up the apartment, and I unpacked a box with a TON of play-do in it.  I buy it for Master every year at  christmas, because he says it is a tradition to get it in your stocking.  I mentioned to him that I never see him use it, and this is how I wound up a couple hours later:

I was blindfolded, ball gagged, and tied up – so I had no idea at all what was going on until later when he showed me the pictures he took.  lol.  He started off blowing bubbles on me, and I had no idea what they were until I started to smell grape, and I figured it out.  Ooh, it sounds silly (because it is!)  but I hated thoes cold wet bubbles on my nipples.  lol.  When I felt him pounding my ribs with something cold I had NO idea what it was, but after a few minutes, I figured it out because I could smell the play dough.  lol.  There was a lot more going on, but you know me.  I remember what was in the pictures. 

Super Bowl sunday was yesterday!  I’m not a football fan by any means, but I actually had some fun!  I usually watch the Super Bowl just to watch the commercials, and I walk away during the football.  Master actually explained how to play to me, and we picked a random

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Chasity and torture

Let me start by saying, I do like the male appendage, the cock. I enjoy it and it’s uses.  It’s wonderful when it’s firmly in my hand and other places. I love what I’m able to make it do.

I mention this because for a little while now, I’ve been thinking about male chastity and those devices used for it. The thought does appeal to me. I like the idea of holding the key to his release. (Quite literately…in the sexual sense.) With my pet, now and then I do tell him/have him go for days at a time with no masturbating. When we are together, it is at my whim I tell him he could masturbate/cum or not. I would like to control him for longer periods of time. A device would allow me to do that. Not that I don’t trust my pet on his word alone not to cheat and touch himself. I do trust him. It’s just a little extra insurance. Plus, I do admit not just the power and control I have over him is a turn on, but also the little bit of suffering is too.

While we are on the subject of a suffering cock, it reminds me of something else I’ve started having an interest in. This would be CBT (Cock and Ball Torture). I wouldn’t say I’m a sadist. I suppose I like being a little sadistic once in a while. I like the bits of thuddy and stingy sensations I give during impact play with floggers, crop, cane, etc. I also sometimes like seeing how far I can push my play partner’s pain tolerances. (With their consent, of course.)

Only quite recently I’ve had the desire for CBT. It’s fascinating seeing clothes pins in that area and how many one can take. I also get a bit of a kick out of seeing a cock and  balls tied up with string, twine and the like. With some hesitancy, pet has given his consent for me to do something on him. I just know want to think on what that something will be. Don’t worry pet. Won’t be anything hardcore……..the first time.

[Via http://lotuslust.wordpress.com]

Happy Monday

February’s here! A new month means new beginnings. I ended January on a good note. I submitted another story to my editor on Friday. So on top of the two new contracts I have three other stories out awaiting word.

I managed to write the synopsis for the Cougar Challenge. I’m going to tweak it a bit before submitting it for the others to check out. I’m always nervous when writing a synopsis. I loathe them. I’m better off just writing the darn story, but I want to make sure it fits what they’re looking for.

I’m busy working on Sliding Home an M/M story about a couple of baseball players. I’m enjoying writing this story, so it should go quickly. )

My newsletter went out today, with a brand new contest for subscribers only. If you’d like to sign up you can do so here:

authoramberskyze-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Time for me to get busy with some editing and that article still needs to be written. Busy day! Oh and time to start planning a Valentine’s Day treat for the DH. Since we missed our anniversary on New Year’s Eve, we’re going to celebrate on Valentine’s Day.

Happy Monday everyone.

[Via http://amberskyze.wordpress.com]